2012 Challenges went exactly as expected

I am officially done with the 2012 challenges I signed up for last year. I don't mean "done" as in "successfully completed" but more "I have run out of time so whatever I have done is what's getting done. And it wasn't much". Woo hoo. At least I can say things went exactly as I expected. See if you assume you'll fail you either end up correct OR pleasantly surprised.
With that, let's see how I did.
Back to the Classics challenge
4/8
19th Century Classic
The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
20th Century Classic
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Re-read Classic of my choice
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
A Classic Play
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Classic Mystery/Horror/Sci-Fi
The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Classic translated from native language to mine
The Master and the Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Classic Award Winner
The Hours by Michael Cunningham
Classic set in a country you will not visit in your lifetime
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

Smooth Criminals challenge
5/8
Hardboiled Classic
The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammet
Noir Classic
Double Indemnity by James M. Cain
Prison Book
The Green Mile by Stephen King
Book written by a writer that did time
The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
Book with a psychopath as a protagonist
Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates
Gothic Novel
We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson
Classic where plot revolves around a crime
The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
The "why the hell am I doing this to myself" book
The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen

So I did slightly better with the Smooth Criminals challenge but that was actually dumb luck since I read The Woman in White for a readalong, and I didn't realize Zombie would count towards this challenge till I had already finished it. Either way, good showing, me.
I'm not going to be signing up for any challenges in 2013. This showing here was too pathetic. Besides, I'm going to be doing the Harry Potter readalong which is enough reading commitment for me, kthxbai. For those of you that sign up for (and actually complete) these challenges, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

The Martians are coming!

After finishing up The Importance of Being Earnest I needed another plane read. And I wanted to read something else that would count towards my challenges. And I wanted it to be free. So I went with H.G. Wells' The War of the Worlds. I didn't know much about the story other than the whole Orson Welles radio-broadcast thing. Also I already own a copy of this book that was my dad's. One of the reasons it was important when I was downloading this book that it be free.

I see how this was done as a radio news story. It sort of reads like a news report even though it's a first person narrative of an alien invasion. It's a pretty straight description of what this guy saw when Martians landed in England. There isn't a lot of narrative to get in the way of "just the facts".

I wish there was more emotion in the story. But it's more like "these aliens came and then they SHOT EVERYONE WITH HEAT RAY LASER BEAMS *PEW PEW*. Then there's some quiet time while we walk somewhere else and OH NO, THE ALIENS ARE BACK AND NOW THEY CANISTERS OF BLACK DEATH SMOKE *WHOOSH*". OK, maybe emotion is the wrong way to describe it. There's not a lot of character development I'm saying. Especially given this is a first person story and I know the characters as "main guy" "main guy's wife" and "main guy's brother". There are a couple other characters and Wells may have even given them names but I don't remember them cos the characters aren't really that important. They could be anyone.

It's one of the original alien invasion stories although I can't say I've read too many other alien invasion stories. I have, however, seen Independence Day, so I'm pretty much an expert on the genre.* There is the first strange landing, where people are curious about this cylinder from space. Then there's the violence as the aliens attack. Things seem impossible for humans, who are no match for the superior alien weapons until suddenly the tides turn.

*This next part has some spoilers. Kinda. You're prob fine to read this, but in case you want to go into this knowing nothing, skip ahead*
My favorite part of the book happened when the narrator and a curate were trapped when one of the Martian cylinders mostly buried the house they were hiding in. They can't escape because the only way out would require them to go right by the aliens. There's dwindling food and the curate slowly starts to go mad. Especially when they seem the alien feeding, which involves sucking the blood out of a living human. Maybe because this was on of the first times in the book the narrator slowed down and instead of describing the havoc the aliens were inflicting we got to see what this invasion actually does to an individual. Even then, there are still scenes that would have been nice to see but were mostly skipped over. Like the narrator knocking the curate unconscious to keep him from alerting the aliens that they're there. Instead of hearing the narrator's growing desperation as he tries to keep the man quiet, we get this:

As the days wore on, his utter carelessness of any consideration so intensified our distress and danger that I had, much as I loathed doing it, to resort to threats, and at last to blows.

Days are going by as they're both trapped in this prison, not knowing if they'll be found or starve to death and our narrator is trying to stay sane and keep the guy quite but eventually he knocks the guy out. There is this day long struggle about this and instead, we get one sentence about how he punched the guy so hard he quit making noise.
*Spoilers contained. Though really, you're probably fine to read it*

Another detail that was lost on me, a bunch of English cities were stepped on but unless you have a map handy (or you know, are from there) all this city listing will be sort of meaningless. Probably because I'm a self-centered American. Maybe if they were American cities/towns I would have cared more. I would have at least had a an idea of where they were. And yes I realize I could have checked a map. I also could fluently learn another language or take up heli-skiing but those things don't seem to be happening either.

One last detail, Wells mentioned bunnies a lot. My Kindle says there are 6 separate mentions of rabbit which I guess isn't that much but more than I expected to see. And not mentions like "and then the Tripod stepped on a rabbit." They're references that essentially equate people with rabbits. Or else how would a rabbit view humans. For example

The bare idea of this [alien feeding tactics] is no doubt horribly repulsive to us, but at the same time I think that we should remember how repulsive our carnivorous habits would seem to an intelligent rabbit.

I'm not smart enough/too lazy to examine what the bunny/people references could mean so instead I'll just giggle at the picture of intelligent rabbits. Like Alice's white rabbit. But disgusted at people eating meat and also running from an alien invasion.

This book counts as my 19th Century read for the Classics Challenge. Making my way through!

*As usual, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Watch that not stop me from going on

Title quote from page 66, location 1356

Wells, H. G. The War of the Worlds. Tibeca Books. Originally published 1898

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other

I decided to give Jane Austen's Emma a try because of Clueless. Well, more accurately, I needed a Classic Romance for the Classics Challenge and THEN I picked Emma because of Clueless. I want to mention this right up front: I liked Clueless better. But hear me out.

If you're a semi-regular reader of this blog (or if you read my little About Me blurb) you'll know that contemporary fiction is my jam. But I really need to expand my reading beyond books that have been written since I was born.* Hence one of the reasons I signed up for the Classics Challenge. Sometimes I can get into the groove of different writing styles easily and sometimes it always stands between me and the story. The Woman in White was fine and I was on the edge of my seat during Marian the Ninja scenes. With Emma I could never get into the story. Maybe because it's less of a thriller, less sensational but I often found my mind wandering while I was supposed to be paying attention. I would say that I just can't do Austen, there's something about her style that keeps me at a distance from the story, but I was sucked into Pride and Prejudice no problem.

I can't decide if knowing about the Clueless connection helped or hurt. Because I did spend a lot of time figuring out who was who, which scene from the book matched up to the movie, etc. Maybe the book would have been better if I didn't do that. But then again, it was fun to do that so I don't care too much.

If you follow me on Twitter you may have noticed a recent Tweet about a certain DVD I received. I realized the only copy of Clueless I owned was on VHS which is cute of me and all, but sort of useless. So I bought a dual DVD Clueless and Mean Girls and then made Boyfriend watch Clueless with me the other day because can you believe he'd never seen it??? This is why he needs me. I was very happy to see that the movie is as awesome as I remembered it.

So instead of actually reviewing Emma which I've been trying to do for days but have been failing, I've decided to talk about how Clueless relates to Emma which means I can spend a bunch of time talking about the movie instead. So this will be sort of spoilery, but really, you should already be familiar with Clueless.
Clueless and Emma or a bunch of connections you probably already know about if you've seen/read both of these, but that I'm going to write out anyway like I made some big discovery
Cher is a great Emma. She's narcissistic and shallow and yet still likeable. Likeable even though you know you probably shouldn't like her. Maybe because she's not outright cruel to anyone and she really believes she's being kind. And look how nice they are to their fathers.

Tai is an adorable Harriet. Unsophisticated in a world where status means so much. She desperately wants to be liked and is so smitten with Emma/Cher that she goes against her own feelings for Mr. Martin/Travis. She's like a lost puppy.

Josh makes such a perfect Mr. Knightly. And they kept that whole "he's sorta family, but not blood so it's not hillbilly" angle. The relationship still strikes me as sorta weird in the movie but I accept it because I love Paul Rudd. And that scene at that party where the Bosstones** are playing and he dances with Tai after no one will dance with her. JUST LIKE IN EMMA where Mr. Elton is a douche to her and won't dance with her even though he totally should have for reasons I don't totally understand because I don't really understand Regency propriety.

Elton is the best Mr. Elton. He's such a douche-nozzle in both. He's a super snob and sort of date rapey (in an Austen/PG-13 way). Plus I never understood why Elton would keep a picture of Tai in his locker just because Cher took the picture. BUT Mr. Elton kept the picture because Emma painted/drew it. And that makes way more sense. So I appreciate that detail of the movie, even if it was sort of stupid and not very logical.

How clever is the Christian/Frank Churchill thing? Now since I saw the movie first I was wondering how the hell they were going to make a character unavailable to Emma because he's gay and Austen doesn't seem quite progressive enough to include a homosexual character. And if she did I'm pretty sure that's the only thing I'd know about her. How smart was it to take a character that was secretly engaged (which wouldn't have worked in a teen comedy) and make him gay instead? He can flirt with Cher without it meaning anything, at least to him.

Now I didn't think the Mel Horowitz/Mr Woodhouse thing really matched up as well as the other characters here, but that's OK because I can't picture it working out any differently. Can you imagine a Mr. Woodhouse that is as much of a pitbull as Mel the litigator (the "scariest kind of lawyer")? At the same time, a hypochondriac Mel would never have worked. Or maybe it would have but I loved Cher's father's character so much I don't want him to be anything different. And in both cases the affection Cher has for her father comes through.
That is the end of the book/movie stuff.
So I prefer the movie to the book. I wanted to like the book more. But I just couldn't stay in the story. I kept getting distracted by literally anything else around me. I should probably give the story another chance but really it was eh.

Also another Classics Challenge book down!

*I also need to read less white people from the US or UK. Baby steps, people, baby steps.
**This note doesn't really add to the post, but I just like the Bosstones and this was the first time I heard them. Also I'm still convinced the dancing guy Ben Carr in the band was blackmailing the other members to let him be in the group and just do his dances. Now they are sweet dance moves, but really? That's all he does.

Title quote from page 70, location 1055

Austen, Jane. Emma. Public Domain Books, 2006. Oringally published 1816. Kindle edition.

The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes

Not too long ago I won a copy of The Hound of the Baskervilles from Alice at Reading Rambo. I tried reading this a few years ago, when I was trying out different ereader programs on my iPod Touch. (This was my iBooks test. A Christmas Carol was my Kindle app selection). I quit reading it not because I wasn't enjoying it, but because I couldn't get myself to read on such a tiny screen. Which is stupid, by the way, because whenever I was actually reading on it it was fine. Other than the fact that I had to turn the page ever sentence or so. But I had trouble getting past the idea of the tiny screen so I never finished. Now I had a new chance and this book counts towards my Classics reading challenge so, I'm in!

I've read some Sherlock Holmes before. Just the short stories, never a full novel(la?) and I enjoy them. Also I can't help but picture Holmes and especially Watson as the mice from The Great Mouse Detective.

Although Disney left out all of the opium. And made Basil/Holmes less of an insufferable asshole.

Anyway, a doctor shows up with a case that only Sherlock Holmes can solve and tells him about this evil hound that has been terrorizing the Baskerville residence. Sir Charles Baskerville was found to have died OF FRIGHT with a big paw print near his body. There's a legend that this evil dog has been haunting the family every since one of the Baskerville descendants kidnapped and planned to rape this neighbor girl. Now the new Baskerville heir Sir Henry is due in England from Canada and the doctor is afraid the guy is going to get killed by the hell hound. Holmes agrees to take the case, but then says he needs to hang around London so Watson should go hang out in Devon for awhile till he can get away from all his other important work. Watson is to get to know the neighbors, keep a close eye on Sir Henry and let Holmes know all that he finds. Will Holmes and Watson be able to solve the case? What is actually terrorizing the Baskerville family? And what is going on with that bog?

And as I've been doing lately because I'm too lazy to make a coherent post, here are some random thoughts

Holmes is an asshole. Not a charismatic one either, just a condescending one. Right on page 3 Holmes asks Watson to deduce all he can about their visitor based on a walking stick left behind earlier. Watson makes some pretty good deductions and even says he's proud of all he's learned from Holmes. Holmes's response: "I am afraid, my dear Watson, that most of your conclusions were erroneous. When I said that you stimulated me I meant, to be frank, that in noting your fallacies I was occasionally guided towards the truth." The worst part might be Watson's reaction. It's along the lines of "My God Holmes, you're quite the genius and us morons are lucky to have you around." And the stories are all what Watson recorded, so you'd think there'd be a little more "Shut up, you ass" even if it was just mumbled under his breath.

*The rest of this will be sort of spoiler-y. I mean, this is a mystery and all*
Holmes is hardly in it. I know I just got finished talking about how he's an asshole, but I'd still prefer having him hang around being a patronizing shithead. Sure it turns out he was there the whole time hiding in the bog, but we didn't get to hang out with him. We were with Watson as he watched the weird neighbors and tried to keep Sir Henry from spending too much alone time with the naturalist's "sister".

After reading the first chapter when we hear about the dog haunting, I thought the whole plot would be more Scooby-Doo-esque. Cos really? Demon dog is scaring people away from a property. Jinkies! What I was not expecting was there to be an actual dog. Just a dog, bigger than normal but not hell hound size, with some phosphorus in his mouth to make it look like glowing (something that wasn't brought up until they mentioned the phosphorus). That's...that's it? The mystery was "There appears to be a giant dog terrorizing this family. No you fools, it's actually a slightly larger than average dog terrorizing the family." Well, thanks for the twist, Doyle. Yes, yes, that naturalist neighbor was setting the dog on the family so HE could get the house but there was something so unsatisfying to find out that was it. Maybe I'm too jaded.

I actually think I was so disappointed with the resolution because the stuff leading up to it was far more interesting. There was a very dangerous convict that had escaped! People were told to be on the look-out. And the butler seemed to have something going on. Creeping around while his wife spent her nights just bawling about something. And that crazy old guy that just kept suing everyone all the time. There was set up to have this be something more but it just fell flat.

There's a whole plot point about how dogs don't eat dead meat, which is why they didn't find any bites on Sir Charles. Cos he had already had a heart attack by the time the dog showed up. But really? I get that it's the idea behind playing dead with bears but does this work with dogs*? Especially dogs that have apparently been starved before being set loose.

*For that matter, does this even work with bears? Cos most of my wilderness survival tips come from Looney Toons.
*spoilers contained*

Summary: OK and entertaining but the short stories are better. Also I should probably see the new Sherlock Holmes, if for no other reason than Holmes is played by Benedict Cumberbatch, which might be the best name ever. He's really a wizard right?

Title quote from page 32

Doyle, Sir Arthur Conan. The Hound of the Baskervilles. Penguin, 2009. Originally published 1902

Ralph wept for the end of innocence

Lord of the Flies, what the hell? As if I wasn't already afraid of kids. And not those children of the corn, demon kids. This is worse because these are normal kids. Little British schoolboys. Choir boys.

I hadn't read William Golding's novel before. There was a chance my freshman year of high school, but I was put in the group reading 1984*. I'm not sure which was worse. That doesn't mean that this and 1984 are bad books. They're not.  But in terms of "WTF humanity", it would be good battle. I had a very vague idea about what Lord of the Flies is about, mostly from the Simpson's episode "Das Bus". What I'm saying is I was unprepared and there was very little model UN and a lot more kids showing us the worst of what people naturally are. Upbeat and whatnot.

It's difficult to review a classic because what am I supposed to say? Hey, have you heard of this book? Oh you have? Right, of course. Well then, what'd you have for lunch? If you haven't read this before, go ahead and do that. Cos this is mostly going to be a random collection of my thoughts and will be all sorts of spoilery. Not that I actually think it matters if you already know the details of this one, but in case you care.

*Spoilers. Like I said a second ago but in case you weren't paying attention*
So the basics: these kids are stranded on a deserted island. And they are kids. The oldest are about 12, the youngest 6. The kids try to make due, they elect a chief and plan to keep a fire burning so hopefully a passing ship will see the smoke and rescue them. Look how responsible they are and there is hope! And then this quickly gives way to insanity.

A boy is burned to death (probably) and everyone is just like "nah I'm sure he's fine. Let's not worry about the fact that we never see him again." The antagonist (one of those choir boys, which makes him adorable but under normal circumstances, not frightening) gets scarily obsessed with killing a pig. Like "oh our only meas of rescue went out while I was supposed to be watching it and a ship passed by and we'll all probably die on this island. But you guys, I totally killed something! Here, we should act it out on this boy."

Things grow tense between the rational boys and the hunter/choir boys which culminates in a frenzied dance where they literally tear apart, with hands and teeth, the only good kid in the whole group. Murder. With bare hands. By a bunch of children. WTF? After that, the death of Piggy, murder by boulder, was nothing. Or at least was a lot less because what the hell, children should not be murdering each other with their bare hands. Or boulders. Children should not be murdering. We can probably leave out the qualifiers of "with their bare hands" or "with boulders".

Now there's only one non-savage boy left (our protagonist Ralph) and the rest of the boys on the island are hunting him! In an effort to find him they burn the whole forest down, because children don't understand subtlety. Luckily they're saved from starvation (cos they just burned down the forest where the fruits, nuts and pigs they eat come from) when a ship notices the conflagration and rescues the boys. He laughs when he sees the boys because he assumes they've been playing fun, not-at-all-murderous games and then gets freaked out when the kids start crying. But they're saved and go back home to probably a lot of therapy.

I knew going into this Piggy dies. I didn't know how. I didn't expect death by boulder so kudos for the surprise there, but I knew he didn't make it. So when I started the book I was thinking how Golding was going to make me super love Piggy, just to take him away. But that didn't happen. I didn't want Piggy to die, but I certainly didn't love the kid. He's just...so...annoying. And whiny. It seems mean to get angry at a child for being whiny when they're stranded on a deserted island, but I'm a cruel person apparently. I wanted the boys to be nice to Piggy, but every once in awhile I wanted someone to smack him upside the head.

The death that really got me was Simon's, he of the torn apart murder. Why do people go on about poor Piggy? What about Simon? He was so good and so innocent. He was helpful and kind to the little kids when all the big kids were being just assholes. He has his little quiet time in nature. OK, so he goes a little crazy for awhile and pictures the sow head on a stick (the Lord of the Flies) talking to him and telling him that the true horrors are inside him and all mankind. But that doesn't make him go on a murderous rampage, as I'm sure it would have driven the other boys. Instead he realizes the beast they've all been afraid of is actually a dead parachutist (which is creepy in and of itself) and he goes to tell the others they don't have to be afraid. And they kill him. They all kill him, even rational little Piggy and Ralph, even if Piggy won't admit that's what happened.
*Spoilers contained*

So there you go. This was an excellent book that crams a lot of deep thoughts and difficult questions into a simple story. I didn't go into all of the symbolism up above but it is there and people smarter than I have written about it. I'm very glad I read this so thank you Strand in NYC for having it on sale and thank you Classics Challenge for pushing me to read a classic I previously missed.

*So don't worry, I still got scarred, just by a different book.

Title quote from page 225

Golding, William. Lord of the Flies. Faber Firsts, 2009. Originally published 1954.

If music be the food of love, play on

First challenge book completed! I just finished up Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, which is my Classic Play pick for Sarah's Classics reading challenge.Also this sort of counts for Allie's Shakespeare Reading Month even if I'm not actually participating in it. But everyone else was reading Shakespeare and I wanted in on the action. (I cannot withstand blogging peer pressure, even when it's indirect.)

Now, I can't review Shakespeare. I am not smart enough for that. So instead of even making an attempt I've instead decided to give you a couple of my thoughts about Twelfth Night. I also wrote a plot description at the bottom of the post in case you're not familiar with story and want to follow along.

Random thoughts about Shakespeare's Twelfth Night or What You Will:

First Orsino is super taken with Viola/Cesario. I mean, he does make her a super trusted servant and messenger-of-love not long after meeting her. Then Olivia lays eyes on her and instantly decides "What the whole mourning-dead-family-so-I-can't-love-anyone-right-now thing? That's nothing. I just had to keep the weirdos away. Now come here you!" Is really Viola just that awesome?

Sir Andrew and Sir Toby are the best characters, although better to watch than to read. They provide most of the comic relief, which is kind of a weird thing to have in what is a comedy. But the Orsino/Viola/Olivia story isn't super funny. Or funny at all really, except I guess the whole "Olivia being in love with Cesario who is really a girl!" The two cowardly drunks, however, are hilarious.

When Malvolio gets the letter from "Olivia" he says it has to be from her because he recognizes her hand-writing. "By my life, this is my lady's hand! These be her very c's, her u's, and her t's." (II.v.88-90). Two things about this: Shakespeare is careful about the words he picks, so that must extend to letters and the guy was all about the sex jokes. This is the take Dr. Pauline Kiernan, author of Filthy Shakespeare, believes. "'Cut' is slang for cunt; the word 'and' was pronounced as an 'n'." Also if you say "c's, her u's and her t's" fast it sounds like you're saying "c,u,n,t". (pg 62) It's a classy cunt joke.

Sebastian is found by this guy Antonio, who seems to be in love with Sebastian even if my Folger's copy won't admit it. It also only vaguely acknowledged the dirty joke above, so I think it likes to keep things clean. Not bowdlerized but just classroom appropriate. Folger can tell me all it wants that when Antonio tells Sebastian "There shall you have me" (III.iii.46) he means "You will find me there", but it's not convincing me that's all he means. Later he comes to Viola/Cesario's defense during her duel with Sir Andrew, thinking she's Sebastian. When she tells him she has no idea who he is, Antonio is deeply hurt. Now you could argue he's mad because earlier he had given Sebastian his purse full of money and now he's asking Viola for that money and she's refusing, but he hardly seems to care about the money. "This youth that you see here/I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,/Relieved him with such sanctity of love,/And to his image, which methought did promise/Most venerable worth, did I devotion" (III.iv.378-382) Pretty much any scene with Antonio has him declaring his love for Sebastian. And Sebastian is clearly oblivious. Or he doesn't swing that way but I'm going with oblivious (maybe a little dumb too) given the whole marrying Olivia thing. I feel so bad for Antonio.

Plot!
Viola and her twin brother Sebastian's ship is caught in a storm, and they each wash up on shore thinking the other sibling is dead. Viola disguises herself as a boy Cesario (so in the original stage productions it would be a boy, playing a woman, playing a man. Not confusing at all.) and seeks refuge as Count/Duke Orsino's servant. Orsino is in love with Countess Oliva, who refuses to love anyone until she finishes mourning her brother's and father's deaths. Which seems kind of reasonable, but Orsino wants the love now! Orsino sends Viola/Cesario to court Oliva on his behalf, but Oliva falls in love with Viola/Cesario. Meanwhile, Viola/Cesario has fallen in love with Orsino, but can't tell him cos she's dressed as a boy. Love triangle!

Oliva has suitors other than Orsino: Sir Andrew and her servant Malvolio (although his is more a secret crush). Sir Andrew is friends with Oliva's kinsman the drunk Sir Toby, who mostly keeps Andrew around because he wants his money. And a drinking buddy. And Sir Andrew is pretty wimpy and easy to boss around. Malvolio doesn't care for Sir Toby and Sir Andrew's drunken revelry and is also kind of douchey snob. Sir Toby, Sir Andrew and Oliva's lady-in-waiting Maria plan a trick on Malvolio because he interrupted their drinking and that must be punished. They leave him a letter supposedly from Oliva professing her love for him, and telling him that if he loves her back he should profess his love by smiling at her a lot, wearing ridiculous clothes, and being mean to Sir Toby and company. He follows the letter to the T and Oliva thinks he's gone mad and has him locked up.

Sir Andrew sees that Olivia is love with Viola/Cesario and decides he should give up and go. Sir Toby doesn't like that he's going to lose his cash cow and drinking buddy, so he convinces Sir Andrew to challenge Olivia to a duel. But Sir Andrew is a wimp and Viola/Cesario is actually a lady, which in this play anyway means she can't fight. Not like "I'm not allowed because of my lady like disposition" but because (apparently) "My uterus makes me unable to know how to fight." Or maybe Viola/Cesario just sucks at fighting but whatever the reason, these scenes are pretty great.

Meanwhile! Viola's twin brother Sebastian is alive and has been hanging out with a man named Antonio, who totally has a thing for Sebastian, even if we're not acknowledging it, Folgers New Shakespeare Library. Antonio comes to Viola/Cesario's aid during the duel, thinking he's Sebastian. Antonio isn't exactly welcome in these parts and he's arrested. Earlier Antonio had given Sebastian a purse full of money and now he asks Viola/Cesario for that money back. Viola/Cesario has no idea what he's talking about, Antonio's heart is broken and he's taken away.

Another meanwhile! Sebastian runs into Olivia who thinks he's Viola/Cesario and proposes marriage. Sebastian doesn't know who she is but goes with it anyway because why not? They even get the betrothal sanctified by a priest. Then Sebastian runs into Sir Andrew and Sir Toby, who challenge him to a duel again, thinking it will go a lot like last time (meaning it won't happen at all). Sebastian is apparently super impulsive because not only does he agree to marry Olivia upon first meeting her, but he also has no problem beating the hell out of the two drunk knights without figuring out why they're so angry.

Orsino and Viola/Cesario go to Olivia's so Orsino can give his Olivia-wooing one more try. Antonio shows up and yells about how he gave Sebastian all this love and Sebastian pretended not to know who he was. But he's yelling all of this at Viola/Cesario, who is just all sorts of confused. Then Olivia comes out and talks about how excited she is that she and Cesario are going to get married, and again Viola/Cesario is confused and denies this. Now Orsino, Olivia and Antonio are all angry at Viola/Cesario, who has no idea what's going on. Then Sir Toby and Sir Andrew come in all beat up and there are more people yelling at Viola/Cesario. Then Sebastian stumbles in, doesn't seem to notice his twin standing RIGHT THERE (he's both impulsive and unobservant) although everyone else does. Viola reveals she's really a lady and declares her love for Orsino who figures Olivia's already taken so Viola's a good consolation prize. Olivia is likewise pretty OK with marrying someone that looks a lot like the lady/guy she was actually in love with and even keeps calling Sebastian Cesario because this is a totally non-doomed relationship. And everyone lives happily ever after except Malvolio who vows revenge on everyone for his mistreatment. The End.

Title quote from I.i.1

Kiernan, Pauline. Filthy Shakespeare: Shakespeare's Most Outrageous Sexual Puns. Gotham Books, 2006.

Shakespeare, William. Twelfth Night or What You Will. The New Folger Library, 1993.

The Classics Challenge peer pressure spreads beyond the blogging world

This Classics challenge thing is really spreading. I was peer pressured into joining this thing (which I'm getting really excited for) and I decided to spread the peer pressure over to a friend of mine. The problem is my friend doesn't actually have his own book blog. But that doesn't stop this challenge/peer pressure thing so I have graciously offered up some of my blog space so he can post about his Classics reads.

So let me introduce you to my friend, Paul, or as I have been referring to him while we talk about him writing about his books Paolo Redbeard (Paolo cos that's what I call him sometimes, and Redbeard cos he's also a red head. We stick together.) And here's his reading list, which is totally putting mine to shame:

Paolo Redbeard
Ok ok I'm impatient but I'll do this for reals and actually start in January and everything.

Any 19th Century Classic
The Three Musketeers (Dumas) - Gotta go lighthearted somewhere on here.

Any 20th Century Classic
Ulyss-hahahaha no, let's not even pretend.

I'll play this one by ear. Maybe The Sound and the Fury, maybe some Hemingway. And I've never read any Steinbeck. Definitely a modernist.

Reread a classic of your choice
Probably Slaughterhouse 5, for the same reason as Red, actually. I wonder if I still know how to spell Trafalmadorian. (Google says I misplaced the L. TraLfama...) Maybe Gatsby or On The Road.

A Classic Play
If I'm still on the horror kick the rest of these items are for, I'll probably read Faust (Goethe)

Classic Mystery/Horror/Crime Fiction
Never read any Lovecraft, so I'll throw in some of his stuff here. He counts as classic in my book, at least.

Classic Romance
I dunno. I just read P&P&Z, and that was enough romance for me for a while. This says something about me. I'm not sure if it's flattering or not.

Maybe Madame Bovary (Flaubert)?

A Classic translated from its original language to your native language
Probably Inferno (Dante)

Classic Award Winner
Well golly gee there's a lot of awards to choose from and a lot of books I haven't heard of. No clue. I want to sneak some Brit lit on here, so I guess I'll pull from the Man Booker? Possibly Midnight Children (Rushdie).

Or, I might cave and finally read Gravity's Rainbow (Pynchon), since it's already on my Kindle and everything.

Classic set in a country you (realistically speaking) will not visit during your lifetime
Thanks to Red, I've settled on, appropriately enough, "My Name is Red" (Orhan Pamuk). Takes place in 16th century Istanbul, which if I remember correctly, sets it concurrently with the American Revolution.

Back to the Classics - My tentative reading list

While I procrastinate on writing my review of Colson Whitehead's Zone One, I figured I'd start putting together a list of books to read for the Back to the Classics challenge. This has proven to be more difficult than I thought. Below is my tentative list of choices. The ones that have a little story around them (because I can't stop talking) are the ones I'm fairly sure of. The ones that are a list of titles are some suggestions so I don't forget them, but those are very much up for debate. And yes, I know there's only one option under Romance but it's still tentative. I can't think of any romances so suggestions are welcome.

Any 19th Century Classic
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson
David Copperfield by Charles Dickens
The War of the Worlds by HG Wells

Any 20th Century Classic 
The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
East of Eden by John Steinbeck
Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Reread a classic of your choice
Slaughterhouse-Five by Vonnegut. I read this when I was about 16, loved it, and then read a bunch of other Vonnegut (Breakfast of Champions being a favorite). But I haven't read the guy in awhile and it seems to make sense to go back to the beginning. Well beginning for me.

A Classic Play
Twelfth Night by Shakespeare. I was originally thinking of reading Midsummer but realized I should probably pick something I haven't read, not something I've read a bajillion and 12 times.

Classic Mystery/Horror/Crime Fiction -  
The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I read a few pages of this when I was trying out the iBooks app on my iPod. Now seems like a good opportunity to actually finish it.

Classic Romance
Emma by Jane Austen

A Classic translated from its original language to your native language
The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov. I would have never come up with this one except my good friend has been bugging me to read this for awhile and he offered to lend me his copy for the challenge. So how could I pass that up?

Classic Award Winner
The Confederancy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
The Caine Mutiny by Herman Wouk
The Hours by Michael Cunningham

Classic set in a country you (realistically speaking) will not visit during your lifetime
The Hobbit by Tolkein. I might hate myself for this. I read the first 2 LotR books and really tried to make it through RotK and couldn't do it. But I've had The Hobbit sitting on my shelf for years so I should just suck it up and read it.

Classics challenge or where I give in to (more) blogging peer pressure

Since starting this blog I have avoided challenges. I'm bad at doing stuff when I'm supposed to do it. I ever wrote a blog post titled Why I avoid challenges. I'm going to get over this or else fail spectacularly and learn my lesson but either way I'm going to be joining Sarah's Back to the Classics challenge. I have a few reasons for joining:

A lot of book bloggers I liked have decided to play along and I wanted to play too. (Hey you guys! Wait up!)
The challenge runs for the whole year. I can finish 9 books in a year.
My last 2 reading months have been pathetic and I need to fix this. And apparently me telling myself  "do this better" isn't cutting it.

I haven't picked the books out yet but here are the categories. If anyone has any recommendations, please let me know! Also you should join in the challenge. PEER PRESSURE

Any 19th Century Classic
Any 20th Century Classic
Reread a classic of your choice
A Classic Play
Classic Mystery/Horror/Crime Fiction
Classic Romance
A Classic translated from its original language to your native language
Classic Award Winner
Classic set in a country you (realistically speaking) will not visit during your lifetime


I really hope I don't get to December of next year and realize I've hardly done any reading. Fingers crossed!