Monday, November 11, 2019

Another DNF

I was going to start this post saying "Recently I wrote about a recent book I did not finish" except when I went to look for that post to link, I realize I posted that back in June. So not all that recent. That's just what happens when I don't post like I used to. Anyway, at some point within the last 6 months, I posted about DNF-ing a book.

That DNF-ing was for mental health because of LOTS of baby death and I could not handle it. This isn't that. This is just a regular ol' "This is boring and I don't want to read it" DNF. Which is not that notable as to warrant a blog post except 1) I don't post that often so try not to discourage me and 2) I very rarely DNF if something is boring me. I just slog through and try to find something to latch onto until the book ends and I can bitch about it.
Well, bitch about it when I was caught up with reviewing. Now it's more silently forget about it until I get around to a mini-review.

I think a few things have contributed to me stopping the book when I wasn't feeling it.

I didn't buy the book
Through most of my reading experience, I would buy the books I was reading. I would often buy them on sale but I would use my money rather than employing a free option. Which meant I felt more like I had to read the book to get my money's worth. Later, as I did end up with more and more free books, usually from things such as NetGalley, I wasn't spending money but the idea was the book was in exchange for a review and I can't review if I didn't read. But I have finally embraced the library and thus I can pick up books willynilly should I choose (provided they are available in audiobook which is how I consume like 90% of my books) and there is no risk. Which means if I'm not feeling something, I have less incentive to keep at it if I don't want.
So many choices
I have way less time
Oh man, toddlers. They take up SO MUCH TIME. Real needy and I swear, actively trying to cause themselves bodily harm so constant vigilance is key. My free time is limited to when he sleeps but that free time must also be used for base level house cleaning because toddlers are also tornadoes of chaos and zero cleaning can get done while they are awake. All this is to say that if I'm listening to a book that is 15 hours, those better be 15 enjoyable hours. Even if I'm listening to it while doing some of said cleaning because there are just SO MANY THINGS that I could be listening to instead.

I was recently listening to an audiobook that was 15 hours long. And I slowly found myself in a situation where I would normally turn on the book, but instead I was looking for something else. Like digging deep in some podcast archives rather than just picking up the book again.

I'm trying not to name names with the book but it was a genre I thought would be right up my alley (ha) and instead it was just so...annoying. Maybe it was the narrator, at least in part, but who knows. There was a lot of exposition and dropped in at weird points. Like in the middle of a tense standoff scene and suddenly we're getting UTTERLY POINTLESS background into the past dating lives of these characters and I may have yelled "Who caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaares??" while listening during my morning commute.
Maybe the book would have gotten better. I gave it way more of a shot than I intended, meaning I listened to a full 5 hours and at one point was like "I'm a third of the way through, I should finish." And then I yelled at myself about sunk costs and decided to cut bait and just pick up something else.

I know past me would have finished the book. Past me probably would have read the book in a couple days while on the train and then would have named names in a review she totally had time to write. But past me is not current me. Current me is being more selective with how my increasingly infrequent free time is spent. Perhaps future me will have more time and more inclination to finish these books but who knows? Can I go back to always finishing after I've crossed the line?

I still feel a little bit of guilt not finishing the book. Which is why I listened to 5 hours of it instead of like, 2. But I have accepted that I'm not going to finish the book. It's due back to the library soon anyway and it's def not getting finished before then. I only hope for my future DNFs I feel less and less guilt until I am dropping books once they no longer entertain me. Those of you who are already at that point, please teach me your ways.