So many things you think are going to matter...turn out not to matter

Oh man. This is it. The final Corrections readalong post. We did it! Even when it wasn't that fun or when there was talking poo or Chip (and Gary and Caroline) being the worst. But that's OK, because if nothing else, we didn't let Franzypants beat us. WE WIN

OK, notes from this final section. Here we go

We are getting our Christmas. Enid isn't quite getting the Christmas she wanted because Caroline is terrible. Just the worst. First she refuses to see her in-laws. Then she convinces the two older kids not to go. When the youngest Jonah wants to go and is all excited, she and the older siblings spend the weeks leading up to Christmas talking about how stupid and lame St. Jude is. THEN, the coup d'etat, she buys tickets to see The Lion King on Broadway for Christmas. But you know, Jonah can't go if he's in St. Jude and OMG CAROLINE, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE PERSON.

I started to feel bad for Gary in this section. I already pitied him from his other section and when we learn just how awful Caroline is, I felt it again for the guy. He was nice enough to tell Enid Jonah was sick instead of how his mother is a manipulative bitch. And that was officially the last nice thing Gary did during his visit to St. Jude and shit, Gary, you're making Chip look good. His shit about how illness is low-class (whatnow?), him making a big deal about installing the handle in the shower for his dad*, demanding his mom pay him back for the $4 bolts he had to buy, him going on about how trains are his hobby and not a hobby someone else picked out for him, except he picked the darkroom hobby and got bored with it when Caroline got him his own darkroom because he's a child, just like his kids, his fight Christmas morning.

Gary, shut up. You're terrible. Now I'm glad you're stuck with Caroline.

Denise is still hovering somewhere on the terrible-fence. She's being a bitch to Robin in part to drive Robin away, in part because she knows Robin won't leave no matter how badly she treats her. So obviously that's Denise being terrible and fitting in with everyone else. But she also really cares about her parents. She's patient with them. She helps her father with his stretches and deals with his incontinence. She's even patient with Enid. And we learn that the reason Alfred quit his job right before getting the bigger pension was because he found out about her and Don however many years before and wasn't going to let Don drag Denise's name through the mud. That was the most (only?) touching moment in the whole book. Denise ends this being in limbo. She does some really awful things but overall she's not the terrible-person-to-the-core like her siblings seem to be.

I skimmed Chip's Lithuania pages. I don't try to but I just can't focus on it. I could however focus when the cops (or whatever) stole Chip's clothes cos he was head-to-toe in leather and haha Chip. But he does manage to make it to St. Jude for Christmas morning. Right when Gary is leaving which pisses Gary off but Gary has stolen the torch for worst Lambert child, so whatever. Gary can be pissed. Because it turns out Chip has stopped being all that terrible. Not completely redeemed but he stays in St. Jude to help take care of his dad after he's moved to the nursing home. OK, so Denise sort of makes him do this at first, but he seems to keep doing it of his own volition. Then he moves to Chicago and even gets married. I hope he doesn't ruin her computer keyboards. And I hope he leaves his stupid vaginal-tang chair behind in NYC. He at least seems to have failed to replace his leather pants so we're moving in the right direction.

We see a little bit more how difficult life is for Enid having to take care of Alfred. Once Alfred is in the nursing home, and then later dead, we see how much more relaxed Enid is. She refuses to pay Gary back for those bolts on principle (the principle being Gary is an asshole) and anytime he brings them up she points to his various expensive toys. Not in a "you've spent so much on your watch", but in a "My, what a lovely new watch you have Gary" and BAM, SHUT THAT DOWN.

She even decided her friend Bea sucks and she doesn't want to be friends with her anymore and even stands up for gay rights. Enid gets her happy ending.

The story pretty much ends with Alfred dies and everyone is much happier. You know, end this on a high note.

I'm not going to run out and read more Franzen right away, but I'm very happy that I didn't hate this. And more than that I'm happy we did this as a readalong, cos there is no way I would have made it through without everyone else. And the gifs. Always the gifs.

And FranzEEEEEHHH

*Which by the way is TOTALLY an easy thing to do. I can do it. If I can do it, anyone can do it. This is not complicated DIY stuff. Of course it helps to know whether you're running the drill the right way

Title quote from page 525

Franzen, Jonathan. The Corrections. Picador, 2001

Beauty or excellence...could redeem almost any humiliation

Happy Franzy Friday everyone!

We finally get to meet Denise, not just through her brothers' stories. And guess what, I don't hate her! I mean, she makes not the best choices, but I'm so happy that she is more like a Gary than a Chip. My standards have obviously been lowered.

I don't quite know why we needed the whole Robin bit in the beginning. Why is it important we learn so much about her and her family and where her money comes from? I get that we eventually get the connection to Denise because of the whole funding-her-restaurant-and-then-she-sleeps-with-both-Robin-and-Brian thing. But I don't see why that means we needed their whole back story. We don't even learn that much about Caroline, and she's actually a Lambert (through marriage, but still).

OK, so Denise. Why do we need to start with her as a teen? We just get Chip and Gary in the present but for Denise we first have to go through the Robin's-brother-is-an-asshole story. Then we see her as a teen and her first sexual encounter(s) before we can see her in the present and why? Is it because these are the things that defined her later, where for Gary and Chip it was more them as small children? And why are these the things that defined her later? Ugh Franzen, what are you trying to say?

And then Franzen, you really need to add sexual assault to her first time? Really? Things were creepy enough, what with Denise sleeping with one of her dad's co-workers (employees?) who's at least twice her age. Perhaps it's to make a connection to her mom and the rape scene we read last section? I don't really know what Franzen's saying here, but that's also because I'm not 100% sure he realizes he wrote two sexual assault scenes. Both options make me sad.

So we learn that Brian made lots and lots of money and they never have to work again, so he decides he's going to open his own restaurant and he hires Denise to be the chef. She gets to run the kitchen and make the decisions about the food and get paid way too much. And she gets to go to Europe for awhile to eat and be inspired. Look how good things are going for Denise? So obviously we know this won't last. At least I like that she's a cook. I know we already knew this from the earlier Chip & Gary chapters, but still. I'm just happy she's actually a cook and apparently a very good one. So see, Denise makes good decisions in one part of her life. Not so much with the trying to sleep with Brian stuff though. Of course, she seemed almost like she didn't want to do it. That she was going to have to. Not that Brian was forcing her but that that was what was expected based on the way he was acting and that's just how things work.

Let's talk about something happier. Brian and Robin's kids are annoying and pretentious. This is happier for me, because making fun of small, fictional children is fun. But seriously, "you be a pathogen...and I'll be a leukocyte" and no. No. Shut up.

I like that Denise was so focused at getting Robin to like her, not because she really wanted to be Robin's friend, but because she wanted to deny her the satisfaction of disliking her. All I could think was

Of course then they become more than just friends, because TWIST. You think Denise will have an affair with Brian, but turns out she's going to have one with his wife! And then with him because why not. I wasn't crazy about the affair with Robin, but mostly because of how the restaurant was suffering by her not being there, because I have messed up priorities. But dammit, Denise, this is a kick ass opportunity and you're sort of throwing it away. I'm not saying STOP sleeping with Robin. I'm just saying, maybe quit sneaking away from the restaurant during the dinner rush.

Now you've lost both Robin and Brian AAAND the restaurant. Dammit. I knew that was going to happen.

And we learn that Alfred didn't die. Which...what? How? 

Then there's some stuff about Chip and he was in Lithuania but now the country is falling apart and he's trying to get back to the States but doesn't really want to and blah blah blah. I tried to pay attention to this section, but really didn't care. Maybe Chip will end up just stuck at the airport in Lithuania. Or he'll be shot there. Whatever.

Sorry this was all over the place, but really, you know what you're getting into. Next week, we finish this thing! Will everyone stop being terrible? (Probably not.) Will Alfred be visited by more talking poo? (Thinking 50/50 chance.) Will Jonah find out he was actually adopted, and his real parents are loving and normal people who have come to take him back with him and give him lots of books to read? Also he's actually a wizard and he'll get to go to Hogwarts. But Hogwarts after the HP stories, so he doesn't have to deal with ever year of school getting ruined by Voldemort. I assume Jonah would appreciate really getting a full education. (Yeah, so this won't be happening, but oh man, how great would that be? You'd never see it coming. [Except if it does happen, I clearly just called it. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but it's been a long day.])

Till next week!

Title quote from page 377

Nevermind what's going on underneath. As long as we're all 'civil'

Guess what, everyone! It's another Franzy Friday!

FranzEEHHH is excited

Now we've made it through section 2, which was the longest section in this readalong. AND Goodreads tells me we're more than 50% of the way done. Which really just means I didn't split this up very well but what are you gonna do? Let's just enjoy the moment.

I did a lot of this reading during the Dewey's Readathon which meant it was easy for me to take notes. While for some this may mean a coherent and well thought out post, please instead expect there to be more random thoughts than usual since instead of having to just remember the stuff that happened, I wrote down a whooole bunch of stuff that is probably not that important. My note taking did take a nosedive near the end of this section, but that's because I spent a lot of time going "wait...what just happened?" Because, seriously, whatnow? To my random thoughts!

We get to meet Gary, the final member of the Lambert clan. I want to applaud Franzen's ability to make me hear the cacophony in his house. When Gary's trying to talk to Enid and everyone is just loud and yelling and needs something and OMG just shut up for 10 minutes, please.

Of course, Gary didn't exactly win me any sympathy points when we first meet him. He complains about the awesome dark room his wife had built for him because he really didn't want it anymore and he'd rather do his photo stuff on computers and now it's this gift he feels he HAS to use. And I get it, that would suck and be awkward. But you know what I get more? Your wife got you a super kick ass gift, and something YOU HAD BEEN SAYING you wanted to shut up and be grateful.

(Also I would like a darkroom, pleaseandthankyou.)

Gary's wife Caroline had some sympathy points with me at first. I mean, the darkroom, she's a mom that actually wants to spend time with her kids, and she gets hurt and Gary won't help her cos she didn't hurt her back inside but hurt it running around and WHO CARES, YOUR WIFE IS HURT. STOP BEING AN ASS. But then she does shit like wants to be her kids' best friend and totally not their mom and UGH

But even that I could let slide. Then she says this:

Basically, I think your brother's got the right idea. Here's a sweet, smart, funny man who's honest enough to say what he can and can't tolerate in the way of get-togethers.

And I'm sorry no. We're done. Chip is sweet and smart and funny and honest? AHAHAHAHA. No you lose. You lose everything.

Gary won back all his sympathy points plus Caroline's when I realized how terrible she is. I mean, her being an idiot about Chip is one thing. But what is this absolute refusal to go to St. Jude's and spend time with Enid and Alfred for one last Christmas. Oh I'm sorry, one time you went out there and had a bad time? A kid got sick and you fell down? Yeah, those are reasons to NEVER VISIT YOUR IN-LAWS AGAIN. God, you suck.

Man, I didn't realize how ragey this section made me.

I still like Denise best, Chip is an ass and needs punched, and I'm starting to pity Gary. I don't like him, but I see he's really trying to do the right thing. He's trying to get the money from his dad's patent, even though his dad doesn't want it. It doesn't seem like he wants the money for himself, so the motivations don't seem entirely selfish. He's sort of a dick to Caroline, but she's a zillion times worse and is working on turning the two oldest sons against him, so who cares. He seems like he was told that if he had this type of life, he would be happy. And he's not, so he's falling apart but he really wants to keep it together. Meanwhile, he's sort of

Plus we see some childhood flashbacks where Alfred is terrible and mean and I'm starting to actually feel bad for Enid having to put up with him. It's difficult to connect the Alfred who has trouble sitting on Chip's weird sex couch and hallucinates a Mr. Hankey as being such a dick when he was all there. But wtf him smashing all of the jars because Enid hadn't gotten around to moving them. Chip's reactions to him are starting to make sense.

Speaking of those flashbacks, we see how Enid ended up with Alfred. Well, kind of. But we see Enid was trying to make a good choice and find a good husband, and that sort of backfired, didn't it? She was hoping his personality would change and nope. I guess at least she did get someone that's a good earner, since that's what she wanted.

The cruise part. Pretty much all of that. I have no idea what's going on. So like I mentioned above, Alfred hallucinates some talking poop, but also Enid meets a lady whose daughter was raped and murdered and whose husband has decided the way to deal with things is to pretend it didn't happen, and then some crazy ship doctor guy gives Enid a bunch of "Aslan" pills, and Alfred possibly falls off the side of the boat.

Can someone explain this whole section to me because I'm not even sure if anything I just typed above happened. It's all a weird blur, which I think is the feeling you're supposed to get when reading this section (and if so, again, kudos Mr. Franzy) but I don't really know what we're going to get when we start the next section. Which I suppose is a good thing. It'll keep us reading.

Next week we'll read up to the section One Last Christmas. Hopefully we'll learn more about Denise and we'll figure out if Alfred actually did fall of the boat and maybe that Chip was really beat up by that Lithuanian guy
Title quote from page 171

Franzen, Jonathan. The Corrections. Picador, 2001.

You could feel it: something terrible was going to happen

Welcome to Friday and our first Corrections post. Well first one where we actually talk about the book. And you know what? I actually enjoyed it.

I know, right? What? I thought it was going to be very dense and difficult to get through. The beginning, before we get to Chip's story, was a little bit difficult to start. I didn't just fall into the rhythm. I had to learn it. But once I did, the reading went really fast.

Before we get into the post I have something to share. There was some talk of how Franzey is sort of like Fonzie and hey, wouldn't it be great if that was a thing? I mentioned it to Boyfriend+, and look what he has given us:

We have our mascot

Now, TO THE POST

*Beware, for thar be spoilers.* Also this isn't going to be anything coherent but instead a bunch of random thoughts I had while reading. I figured that structure worked out during the HP readalong.

Even though I said I'm actually enjoying the book doesn't mean I LIKE the characters. I mean at this point I don't think enough people are punching Chip. This should be a every-time-he-shows-up type of thing. He's just so terrible and pathetic and pretentious and yes, I do think we're seeing some Franzen in there. But I think it's safe to say there is no issue with Mary Sue-ing here.

Since so much of this first chapter focused on Chip, let's see what notes I took:

Chip wore leather pants to go pick his parents up from the airport. CHIP WORE LEATHER PANTS.

Chip is watching Cent Ans de Cinema Erotique. Dammit, even your porn is pretentious. You are terrible. And you're going to be pissed after throwing your pretentio-porn in the dishwasher, because you are totally going to want that VHS back. I feel like he'd still be watching VHS porn even in the internet age. You know, because Chip is Franzen and they both hate technology.

Of course, Chip had weird sex with an undergrad. Because he's creepy. But then the whole humping the chaise searching for remnants of vaginal tang? That's moving into new and special levels of creepiness

Chip gets so angry at his sister for wearing a tank top in a photo in the magazine. At first I was on his side. "Yeah, why are they doing this girl-as-object thing??" But then I thought about it some more and thought "She's just wearing a fucking tank top? What's the answer? There can't be any photos of women? Or they have to be totally covered up? I hate you Chip." I don't know how much of that is actual anger or how much of it is because Chip sucks so much.

So did Chip end up in Lithuania? I sort of lost the plot at this point.

Now some non-Chip stuff. I am undecided on if I like Enid or not. I think she's a bit racist, from a different time, very concerned with appearances and what the neighbors think and a bit manipulative. Maybe it's more than a bit. I'm hoping to see some more of her. I sort of picture her as a light-weight, Midwestern version of Lucille Bluth. She doesn't seem as conniving as Lucille but I don't think she's as naive as she'd like people to think. Her repeatedly telling Denise the story about Norma? Yeah, she's not as sharp as Lucille, but she knows what she's doing.

We've seen Alfred and Denise, but I feel like we've really only been introduced to Chip and to a slightly lesser extent Enid. I feel like I have opinions about those characters. Al and Denise we have a sketch of them, but we haven't filled in the shading just yet. Then there's Gary who we haven't even met yet.

I hope we get more Denise and Enid in the next section. And Al. I guess.  Oh, and since this opening wasn't nearly as painful as I assumed, I'm thinking we'll be fine to read some extra pages. So read until you get to The Generator chapter break. Til next week!

Title quote from page 3
Franzen, Jonathan. The Corrections. Picador, 2001.

Corrections intro: Hate the author, love the novel

WELCOME to the first post of The Corrections readalong!

For this first post, I guess normally the plan is to introduce yourself. Except we sort of already all know each other so that's probably a waste of time. Instead, let's talk about Franzen and why we're doing this. Or hesitations we may have about the book. It's almost like an AA meeting.

I'm reading The Corrections because I bought it almost 3 full years ago (October 10, 2010) on my way back home from a friend's wedding. I had finished whatever book I brought with me and was browsing one of the airport bookshops. I didn't know much about Franzen. This was still early in my book blogging days. I just knew I'd seen the cover, and the summary looked like something I'd be into. Then for whatever reason, I ended up not starting the book during my flight home. Probably cos of the massive hangover I was also nursing. I got about 5 pages in before I quit. I tried again last year for the Smooth Criminals reading challenge and yeah, that worked out just as well. I'm hoping the readalong is the thing.

I'm hosting it because Laura said it's my turn.

As for my hesitations. Well...

Is it possible to enjoy a novel if the author is a doucheface?

Short answer: Yes
Long answer: Well, most of the time...

The way I see it there are 2 general types of douchefaces:
Douchefaces who just seem like they'd be unpleasant to hang out with but aren't necessarily terrible people
Douchefaces who are racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic various other -ists and -phobics and overall seem like just awful people

This can be further broken down into 2 groups:
Douchefaces who are alive
Douchefaces who are dead

And because seeing Tina Fey host SNL made me realize how much I miss Liz Lemon, I'll let her demonstrate my emotions towards these different doucheface authors

Unpleasant & Dead
Let's say we have a doucheface who isn't awful, merely unpleasant, and they're dead. Well, that's pretty easy. There are lots of people I don't really want to hang out with. I'm pretty sure that's the majority of the world, so you'd be very busy if you constantly let it get to you. And they're dead so you won't have to listen to them being obnoxious in any new interviews. Think of this as Charles Dickens. He (as I learned from Alice) was very openly an ass to his wife. But he's not getting into any new family abandonment shenanigans what with being dead and all, and you can read his stuff with a clear conscious.

Liz Lemon Level:

Unpleasant & Alive
Next, what if we have the merely-unpleasant doucheface and s/he's also still hanging around? Other than causing spontaneous eye-rolls whenever you read their latest complaint about whatever is pissing them off at the moment or maybe they're the Lindsay Lohan/Charlie Sheen of the literary world and you just watch them make new and exciting bad decisions while you continue to enjoy their early work. Maybe you don't want to encourage their behavior and buying their new books/keeping them relevant is, in a long distance kind of way, encouraging this. But whatever. This is where Franzy* falls. He may bitch and moan about how terrible Twitter is or how he can't stand TV and doesn't even OWN one** but that doesn't really affect his writing. We're still in no harm/no foul territory.

Liz Lemon Level:

Awful & Dead
Now we get into more complicated territory. What if the doucheface author in question was an awful person? But the key word there is WAS cos now they're dead. Perhaps they were horrible racists. And vocal ones at that. Maybe they were some of the original "make me a sandwich" sexists, or whatever some historical equivalent of that would be. But the bad (wo)man is gone now and can't hurt you any more. Think of this as Flannery O'Connor. She apparently loved her some racist jokes and had no problem pissing off her Civil Rights Activists friends with them. It may be uncomfortable cos you want to love the authors as much as you love their work. But you know what, it's fine. You can hate what the person stood for, but they aren't around to keep being terrible so you don't have to worry about supporting their hatred.***

Liz Lemon Level:

Awful & Alive
Finally we have the worst of them. The awful doucheface who is still alive and keeps being awful. They let you know how much they hate X type of person. And they support foundations that make the world a terrible place. This is noted homophobe Orson Scott Card. Is it possible to separate the author completely from their work? Yeah. Will I yell at people if I see them reading his stuff? Nope. Am I happy that I read Ender's Game before knowing about all his doucheface-ness? So happy. Will I be reading any more of his stuff or seeing the Ender's Game movie? Probably not till he's dead. Or if he does a 180. Chuck Wendig puts it much better than I ever could, but look, I don't want to support this guy. I don't want to support him financially so he can (again, in a very long distance sort of way) spend that money I gave him on groups I hate.

Liz Lemon Level:

SO. Why are you joining in this readalong? Other than it's going to be awesome and full of snark and gifs.

*Yeah I have a feeling I'm going to call him this throughout the readalong.
**I've obviously been giving this a lot of thought. And not just because of this readalong but given Franzen recently being in the news for being extra crotchety, it's all working out nicely isn't it?
***I had author examples for each category but this one was a bit tricky. Luckily I found this great list. And by great I mean "DAMMIT DR. SEUSS WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Hits your right in the childhood. However, before finding this list I did consider Lewis Carol cos I had read about his weird child photography stuff in the Annotated Alice Through The Looking Glass, but I'm trying to think maybe this is a different time and he's not quite as bad as some of the others.

Corrections Readalong: The Schedule

Apologies for slacking on posts last week. What can I say, just the thought of hosting this Corrections readalong is exhausting.

I was actually in the middle of writing a review of Horns (to be posted later this week...hopefully) when I realized I should probably at least start to figure out the reading schedule for Corrections. I determined roughly how many pages we should read and then I thought I'd find a chapter break around there. Hey, guess what this book doesn't have many of. Chapters! God, Franzen, you're such an asshole.

I now understand why my professors would beg us to all buy the same copy of the book, this way they could just say "read through page 250" and page 250 would be the same for everyone. But I'm going to assume we all have our own copies and just using page numbers won't work. So here's what I figured, but please, if anyone has a better idea, speak up. Because this is already a mess and we haven't even started yet.

October 4th - Intro post! I'd say introduce yourself but I'm pretty sure we all know each other so maybe write a little something about Franzen or this book or why you're doing this

October 11th - Luckily this first chapter break sort of works. Read up to the section titled The More He Thought About It, The Angrier He Got. Plus this title captures my feelings of trying to put this schedule together

October 18th - Here's where things get messy. So I was trying to do roughly 140 pages between each week. Except there is NOTHING, no chapter break, no section breaks, nothing, around this point. Because Franzen is a jerk. So, two options. We can go with more like 200 pages for this section and make it to the next section called The Generator which is on page 336 (in my copy anyway, which is the trade paperback from Picador).

If we think that will be too much Franzen for 1 week, at around page 300 there's a big text block that starts with "Some mysteries of her obsession, Sylvia said, were that she'd been raised as a Quaker..." so we could stop there. I have no idea if that is in the middle of some big important action sequence so if it is, sorry about that. And again, please speak up if anyone has any better ideas.

October 25th - Let's read up to the section called One Last Christmas. That looks like it will work with either Oct 18th section break we go with.

Nov 1st - FINISH HIM! So I realize we're no longer in October but it's ONE DAY later and I thought it better to finish in November than try to cram in the Franzen to just 3 weeks. This can also be our wrap up post for any final thoughts and perhaps plans about how we'll pretentiously work in some Franzen quotes at our next party.

Let's see how many times this readalong makes me feel like this

I'm guessing at least 6.

Corrections readalong: Wanna play?

I have had The Corrections sitting on my shelf for years now and it seems pretty clear there's no way I'm reading this unless I have some additional incentive. I made it part of a challenge one year and that didn't help. So this time around I'm thinking readalong. Because even if the book is not doing it for me I can at least bitch about it with a bunch of friends and GIFs.

So anyone want to play along? Yeaaaaah, you know you do. We can do the readalong in October. I haven't hosted one of these before, so I will do my best to actually figure out chapter breaks and whatever else I should be doing as host of a readalong. (So I guess step one will be "figure out what I'm supposed to do". This is going well already.) But LOOK, I started this sign up post and there's a Community marathon on, so I hope you all realize how serious I am about this. Or else please forgive this post if it's all over the place, but it's paintball episode number two (the Western one) so it's not like I can just ignore it. Please expect the same level of dedication in the readalong posts that you're getting now.

So if you want to play along, sign up below. And if you have any advice for me, I'm all ears (all eyes? Some of these idioms are very confusing in writing.)