Wilkie-Along Post IV: The back view is the loveliest view

Here we are, the final epochs in the SENSATIONAL life of Wilkie Collins. Thank you, Alice, for finding this book and then hosting this readalong, cos our readalongs are the best readalongs. #fact

In these final chapters and Wilkie's final years, he travels around the US on a less-than-successful tour, stages a few more plays, can't really match the success of his early work, continues to fight for copyright laws, has a few grandkids and then dies. You'd think this would be where the book ends but no, we get another chapter that, in the same vein as the rest of the book, talks about a bunch of people that are not Wilkie. I do not care if his ex-son-in-law had to file for bankruptcy.

Anyway, let's just get to a bunch of bullet points

• Wilkie does a reading tour around the US and things aren't so great. Only partially filled venues with a consistent criticism that Wilkie isn't the most engaging reader. Which is weird because he was an actor so you'd think this wouldn't be that big of a stretch. Or maybe he was a terrible actor the whole time and Lycett didn't make that clear. One review says: "We should counsel Mr Wilkie Collins to adopt the tone and method of a lecturer, which anyone can acquire, rather than attempt those of an actor which lie beyond his reach."

• Also we get this amazing line: "He has many fine qualities but he has an unusual amount of conceit and self-satisfaction - and I do not think any one can think Wilkie Collins a greater man than Wilkie Collins thinks himself." I never really got this sense at any other point in the book and I don't know if that is because the woman who said this is alone in this belief or that Lycett has been glossing over this behavior. 
• Wilkie becomes friends with a guy due to a shared "interest in mildly pornographic pictures of women". Of course.

• The book says Wilkie visited "Oneida, a community in Connecticut." Except Oneida is in New York. NOW this community, which practiced their own communal sex beliefs and rituals that Wilkie was down with (including pantagamy), had a few off-shoots, including a group in Wallingford, Connecticut. This is where it seems that Wilkie actually went. So yeah, minor error, BUT STILL.*
• Wilkie makes the hero in one of his short stories a Roman Catholic, prompting Lycett to declare that it "shows that Wilkie was not always prejudiced in matters of religion." Which, let's be honest, is pretty much the equivalent of someone saying they're not racist cos they have a black friend. 

• Throughout his life Wilkie talks about how much he HAAAAATES the institution of marriage and will not consider it at all and wants to live his bachelor life while having his two mistresses. Then he apparently starts calling some little girl "Mrs Collins" and looks forward to a "conjugal embrace" with the girl. And WTF?? Lycett says my reaction is me just taking this the wrong way and there was nothing weird about this and the girl's mother was included in the exchanges (which, does that mean there was a Victorian version of CC-ing someone?).
• Wilkie says he thinks "the back view of a finely-formed woman the loveliest view...The line of beauty in those quarters enchants me, when it is not overladen by fat." Thanks for that "no fatties" line thrown in at the end, Wilks. 
• Oscar Wilde had a brother named Willie. Willie Wilde. This makes me smile each time I say that name. I realize this has nothing to do with Wilkie but it comes up in the book and I didn't know this fact before so there you go.

And there we go. Wilkie's life and the lives of a lot of people around him (and around them...) I do now want to read a LOT more Wilkie so there will be many more readalongs in the future. 

*Also, fun fact, this sex commune is also the group that is responsible for the Oneida silverware. 

Wilkie-Along Post III: Bringing the sensation novel into the home

Summer Wilkie Readalong, post the third! And can I say thank you to Alice (aka Reading Rambo aka Readalong Queen) for keeping this week's section short cos the holiday weekend was eating into my reading time. But there was important stuff to do, like watch The Muppets Take Manhattan in the park.

#important

This epoch dealt with Wilkie not so much falling out with Caroline but sort of drifting away and picking up a new mistress, Martha. There's also a lot about Victorian publishing rules which is now added to the list of things I sort of skimmed over. There's less talk of venereal diseases, more issues with gout and rheumatism (which, I mean, could have been more STIs cos medical science at that point had only come so far) and the deaths of both Wilkie's mother and BFF (although there had been some drama there) Dickens. Oh also Wilkie and Martha have two daughters together but Wilkie basically doesn't talk about them. So. Father of the year, over there.

Alright, let's list out some stuff that happened

• The section starts with Wilkie's meeting of Martha, which Lycett describes as "a buxom wench" and really Lycett? What are you doing? 

• In this description we also get "she was as near as Wilkie could reasonably get to his ideal of the broad-buttocked Italian woman". I don't know if any of this is coming from Wilkie's writing or just Lycett's feelings on the lady. I mean, if Wilkie specifically talked about her butt whyyyyyy aren't we getting those direct quotes, because they would probably be hilarious. Anyway, call back to the first epoch and Wilkie losing his virginity to the "voluptuous Roman lady".
• There's a paragraph about how Victorian men were sexually aroused by women in inferior positions and this is apparently what Wilkie saw in Martha? Lycett seems to have a problem with her.
• In addition to commenting on women's hats and crinolines (earlier epochs), he's now giving footwear advice. He advised a woman, Nina Lehmann, "not to be afraid to wear thick boots. It was wrong to think that women could not look attractive in such footwear, he declared with an air of authority, adding that men understood such matters." I would love to see this from Nina's pov where she is just rolling her eyes at him. Or who knows, maybe he can speak with authority on the topic of women's fashion. Then I'm sort of wishing we could have some time traveling and get him to be a judge on Project Runway.

Wilkie does

• One day Wilkie is working with the window opened and a kitten wanders in and drapes itself on Wilkie. This makes it difficult to write but no one can resist an adorable kitten.
• Caroline gets married to a twenty-three year old and Lycett seems VERY JUDGY about this. "She was thirty-seven and quite what she saw in the mere stripling was hard to determine." I'm sorry she decided she wanted to find someone and get married and didn't want to wait around for gouty, opium addicted Wilkie. 
• Dickens, continuing to be a dick to Caroline, wrote to a friend saying that Caroline's wedding was probably a sham affair and an attempt to trick Wilkie into marrying her via emotional blackmail. 

• Publishers make Wilkie remove the word "damn" from his work and Wilkie does it but is annoyed. In his words "Readers who object to expletives in books are - as to my experience - readers who object to a great many other things in books, which they are too stupid to understand." 
• Later more "inappropriate language" is cut from his work and Wilkie is VERY unhappy, claiming he does not look to young people as the court of appeal and maybe his work isn't meant for children.   

So there we go. Until next week!

Wilkie-Along Post II: Wilkie's Unduly Assertive Women

Are you ready for some more Wilkie? Because it's post II of our Wilkie Summer Readalong, hosted by Alice aka Reading Rambo.

So this week we read Epochs 2 and 3, Wilkie starts making money from his writing and also is basically common law married to a woman but DEFINITELY not freal married cos he does not approve of said institution.

I actually took a bunch of notes for this section. And by a bunch of notes I mean I wrote down a page number and then key phrases like "daisy hat" or "pretentious breezes". Stuff that was ridiculous and made me laugh. So I am pretty much going to bullet things out, just like I did last time around. #AintBroke #DontFix

But before I do that, I need to confess that whenever Lycett wandered away from talking about Wilkie or Dickens, I faded. Not even a guy named Egg could keep me interested. That's not to say these little tangents couldn't be interesting and I kept thinking how I would rather someone like Bryson was tackling those parts cos his books are like 46% tangents and I love them.

Anyway, let's list out ridiculous things that happened in these sections

• "But here, to confuse matters, were to apparent opposites that Wilkie regarded as very similar. As he stated in his letter...he believed 'that the Novel and the Play are twin-sisters in the family of Fiction, that the one is drama narrated, as the other is drama acted.'" I reread this section like five times because...yeah, that seems like a pretty good working description of the difference between a play and a novel. Why are these apparently opposites? Is the opposite of a play a novel? Or vice versa? I tried Googling to see if that is a thing and Google has no idea what I'm talking about (it gave me a definition for "novel" the adjective and told me "work" is the opposite of play). Basically, Wilkie thinks these two similar things are indeed similar. 

• Dickens and Wilkie (and Egg) go on vacation together and get on each others' nerves. Actually it seems like Wilkie mostly got on Dickens nerve by being stingy and cos he would whistle opera hits off-tune.
• We also learned from this section that Dickens referred to himself as "Inimitable" in letters. As in, that is the name he gives to himself. "Inimitable bringing up the rear". So not only does he refer to himself in the third person but he gave himself a nickname. 

• Wilkie had a cat named Snooks. That is all.
• Wilkie hates the giant hats he sees women wearing when he's in Kent. Just real judgey about these women and their hats, which he does say are "as wide as umbrellas" so he may have a point BUT he also talks about how ugly the women are that are wearing said hats so shut up, Fivehead.
• Dickens and Wilkie attended a production of Paradise Lost where the draw was that Eve would be naked. Just Eve apparently. Except the producers were unable to find a woman with "to her knees" to play that part. Dickens was duly disappointed.

Dickens, basically

• Wilkie starts seeing a woman named Caroline who is below his station and also has a daughter (her husband died). He tells people that Caroline had been held prisoner by a name who controlled her through mesmerism (hypnotism) but she managed to escape when he threatened to kill her. Even Lycett is like "So this story is pretty much just bullshit."
• Also, Wilkie Collins believes in mesmerism and when someone explains cold readings to him, he is INSULTED at the idea that this isn't real. I do sort of like the idea of Wilkie writing a book inspired by the Long Island Medium.

The Woman in White that could have been

• Hans Christian Andersen "annoyed Wilkie by surreptitiously attaching some daisies to his hat and allowing him to walk thus into the village."
• Wilkie continues to be annoyed at women's fashion, writing "his protestations about the proliferation of crinolines." Perhaps concern yourself less with judging women's clothing choices. (BTW, I would totally have read this lifestyle piece he wrote. I am a hypocrite.)
• Wilkie had a temporary maid who kept busting in on him while he was in the bathroom. He wrote to Ward telling him "I have reason to believe...[she] must have seen My Person!"

• Wilkie decides to hang out in London instead of going to the beach and talks about how the air in London is "so much healthier than those pretentious humbugs the seaside breezes" and WAS the air in London really ever healthier than pretty much anywhere else in the country? Also HOW are the breezes pretentious? 

Alright, this was pretty long, so sorry about that. But there was a LOT of important stuff to get through. So until next week!

Wilkie-along Post I: Sympathetic treatment of strong, independent women

Right, we're going with "Wilkiealong" for this, cos all readalongs must have some sort of nickname?

Anyway, post the first (cos the other one was the intro and thus does not count) in this Wilkie Collins biography A Life of Sensation readalong, hosted by Alice, our fearless leader. Which, now that I'm thinking about the title, doesn't necessarily mean a "sensational life" so much as a life where things are sensed. Or at least that's another way to read it. You know, like smell or touch. Which is basically how all of us do this life thing. Wilkie included. And now I've said the word "sensation" so much to myself that it's lost meaning.

This is off to a great start.

Our biography of Wilkie Collins begins with his dad, and how William Collins was a painter. Not like, a super famous painter. Not even a particularly interesting one with crazy stories. Definitely not, like, the rock star of painters. More like...the accountant of painters.

Anyway, there's a good amount of boring stuff about his dad and I skimmed a lot of this because really, let's get to the Wilkie. Also there are multiple Williams and Wilkies (there's a David Wilkie and then Wilkie Wilkie whose name is actually William and was sometimes called that or Willie and staaahp) and Harriets in this early section and, past-people, could you PLEASE come up with some additional names? Variety is the spice of life.

Anyway, let's focus on Wilkie stuff:

• Wilkie's head looks like that, likely cos of some issues during birth where some old-timey forceps were used. 
• Wilkie's mom lacked an outlet for her creative spirit and suffered from "nerves". Wilkie would later "write sympathetically about women with anxiety disorders" so good on him.
• The Collins family travelled to Italy for art, but then spent almost no time in Florence cos it was Christmas/New Years and stuff wasn't open and also it snowed a lot. You guys probably could have planned that better.
• Wilkie may or may not have lost his virginity around age twelve to a "voluptuous Roman lady". Will this lead into his tastes later? 

• While at school Wilkie is told that he can "tell a lie beautifully" and he seems to take this as a compliment, which does not appear to be how it was meant. But Wilkie is an optimist / hears what he wants to hear.
• Wilkie was small for his age and the boys at school bullied him by making him tell them stories. I feel like some crucial detail is lost here, or bullying was very different back then.
• Wilkie gets a job doing something with tea but the job is boring and leaves him time to write so good for us.

• Wilkie travels around Europe a bit getting stuck in France twice and needing his mom to send him money so he can get home. Come on, Wilks
• Wilkie decides he "does not take much interest in Matrimony". I mean, not that anyone was asking him to get married, but still. He takes a stance and he sticks with it.
• Wilkie helps his 31 year-old friend elope with a 15 year-old (ewww). But DON'T WORRY, they weren't rushing into anything cos the "passion for each other had been clear for four years". You know, when he was 27 and she was 11. EW EW EW EW EW

• Wilkie doesn't give out his books for free, not even to friends. In fact, when his publisher gave out a few free copies to Wilkie's friends, Wilkie said nuh uh, you gotta pay for those. No word if they actually did pony up or just gave him the book back.

Alright, there have been some treats here but I'm hoping for some more sensation in the next section. UNTIL NEXT WEEK!

Title quote from page 62

Lycett, Andrew. Wilkie Collins: A Life of Sensation. Windmill, 2013.

Wilkie Collins: The Man, The Myth, The Forehead

Hey

Hey, you. Do you know about Wilkie Collins?

You know, it's OK. I'd judge you except I had no idea who he was prior to our amazing Woman in White readalong. 

He was a writer (obviously), friend of Charles Dickens, opium addict, creator of the first modern English detective novel (so sayeth Wikipedia), lover of big butts, impressive forehead-and-facial-hair haver. 

Take it all in

But really, how much do we know about the guy? Not enough, I say. Or really Alice aka Reading Rambo says, because she is hosting a readalong of a (the? are there others?) Wilkie Collins biography Wilkie Collins: A Life of Sensation

This is our introduction post so Hi, I am Alley. Or Red. Or What Red Read. Or WhatRedRead if you say it real fast. I also have a confession. I do not yet have the book.

I know. I KNOW. I am bad at planning and assumed I could get an ecopy and that everything is immediately available to me at the push of a button at all times. And then I learned that was NOT the case with this book and I'd have to get an actual physical copy. 

But I paid for for expedited shipping, as an act of penitence so hopefully I will have it soon. I mean, it shipped today, so that's a good sign. Right? 

Though really, this lack of planning made up for by an abundance of gifs is a good indication of how the rest of my posts for this readalong will be. Just excuses and nonsense and gifs.

It's gonna be so much fun

Visual representation of readalong

The vengeance of the opium

We come to the end of The Moonstone and the end of this FANTASTIC readalong. I would firstly and foremostly(?) say that this as been stupendously fun. And yes, Wilkie gets some credit for that because that man can write a mystery. But most of that has come from everyone playing along and being the definition of awesome* with all the gifs and the comments and everything. You guys rule. And if you didn't get a chance to play along this time I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Now onto the last part of The Moonstone and there's going to be spoilers because MYSTERIES ARE FINALLY SOLVED.

I went with that title quote because it could have served as the subtitle for this book. Except that would have been all spoiler-y, so good choice on Wilkster's part in not doing that.Whoever guessed that Dr. Candy drugged Franklin, ten points! And he didn't do it for any awful reasons. He didn't even want to embarrass Franklin. He just wanted him to admit that sometimes you need medicine and thought drugging him with opium would be the best way to prove that. Alright, so maybe not the BEST idea but nothing sinister in those motives.

Rachel never gets to be our Marian probably because a) we never get to hear HER narrative and b) she was like 18 and needs to stop being a teenager to reach Marian levels of greatness. But there is hope for her. Because how sweet was it when Jennings told her "oh hai, so Franklin was high as a kite that night and honestly didn't know what he was going. I'm going to do a whole experiment that's really not that sound to prove it so..." and before he could finish she's like "I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!"
She just wanted the littlest excuse to believe that Franklin didn't do it. Or did it but didn't know he did it at least.

Anyone else think Jennings was going to be evil? Especially when he startled Franklin leaving the doc? Way to teach me not to judge a book by it's cover, Wilkie. And instead he's SO SWEET and SO TRAGIC. I wish we got to learn more about him and the things he did and his love.

In a small way, I kinda don't blame Godfrey for taking the diamond. Because of course he's the one who took the diamond to London. But he was having all these money problems and Franklin literally HANDED HIM THE DIAMOND. Maybe he even convinced himself it was fate.
That doesn't make what he did right and that doesn't make him less of a douchenozzle for the whole "trying to marry Rachel for money" thing or "probably defrauding those lady charities" things. Yeah, he deserved jail and a lifetime of loneliness but not smothered to death.

And Cuff comes back! Although he doesn't really do too much other than perform his little detective magic trick. Writing down who he THINKS stole the diamond in an envelope to be opened later. Guess what, Cuff. WE ALL THOUGHT GODFREY DID  IT. All that gardening has made you soft, sir.

One last thing. The Indians got their Moonstone back. Happy endings for everyone! Except Godfrey. And Rosanna. And Lady V. And Limpin' Lucy. And Jennings. OK so happy endings for some. Death for a bunch of other people. But Franklin & Rachel get together and they have a baby because Robinson Crusoe said so.

*In both the hot dog and space version of the word.

Title quote from page 210, location 6728

Collins, Wilkie. The Moonstone. Public domain books, published 2012. Originally published 1868

For your own sake, get on with your grog

It's Wednesday again, so here we are again to discuss The Moonstone as part of Alice's readalong. Are you excited? You should be. Unless you aren't playing along in which case these posts are probably annoying to you. Sorry about that. Anyway, onto Wilkie!

First up, we get MOAR CLACK!
I thought we were done with her after the last section but she's back for more. After Lady V's death Rachel goes to hang out with Godfrey's family cos apparently Rachel must be guarded at all times. And for whatever reason she invites Clack to hang out with her, which is a win for us, but I can't figure out why exactly she wants her there. Other than we need Clack to tell us what happens during this scene because there is BIG NEWS. (Also the opium.)

Remember how we ended the last section all going "Rachel and Godfrey are engaged, whaaaaa?" Rachel has come to her senses and broken off the engagement and with no reason. Well no reason she'll tell anyone, because being stubborn is her thing apparently. Godfrey's dad is NOT having this and the scene is all tense and angry and he's face is going red and there's a lot of yelling. Clack is there to break the tension though with a tract! She apparently carries tracts for all occasions and his occasion calls for "Hush, for Heaven's Sake!" You know all that frustration everyone felt about her but were too nice to say? Daddy Godfrey isn't too nice. He calls her an "impudent fanatic" and "Rampant Spinster" and kicks Rachel out of his house. Don't worry though, because Mr. Bruff agrees to take her in and also Clack has decided she'll leave Rachel a whole bunch of tracts in her will.

Next we move into Bruff's narrative and we don't get too much here except the knowledge that those three Indians that I keep forgetting about are still after the diamond and they found out that they're going to have to wait a year because it's currently being used as collateral for a loan. We also learn that SOMEONE wanted to take a look at Lady V's will not long after she passed and that SOMEONE proposed to Rachel because that SOMEONE is Godfrey! Because we were all totally right that Godfrey should not be trusted. Bruff tells Rachel about this and Rachel breaks off the engagement and now we're finally getting some answers.

And we're about to get some more answers because our next narrative is by Franklin! We learn what's in Rosanna's letter and what she put in the Shivering Sand! Except everything we find out causes more questions and we all need more grog.
Rosanna really was in love with Franklin and she was totally neglectful of Lucy and my dreams were crushed a little.
It was a nightgown in the Shivering Sand. The nightgown with the pain smear. And that nightgown belonged to....FRANKLIN! Whaaaa?
No seriously, what? Cos Franklin says he must have done it because I mean, there's his nightgown with the stain so irrefutable evidence right there. And he just doesn't remember it.
Rachel broke it off with Franklin and refuses to speak to him because she SAW HIM steal the Moonstone.
But they still want to be together! But they can't because she sees him as a thief and he knows he didn't do it and has to prove it to her and then they walk away from each other and the section we're supposed to read ends! BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!
How is this going to play out? Did Franklin really steal the Moonstone? And does he actually not remember taking it? Or is this all part of his con?
Why did Godfrey look at the will? What's his end game?
Who is using the diamond as collateral? And for what?
What about those Indians that keep randomly showing up whenever I have forgotten about them?

Wilkie! Tell me your secrets!

Title quote from page 158, location 5142

Collins, Wilkie. The Moonstone. Public domain books, published 2012. Originally published 1868

I am (thank God!) constitutionally superior to reason

Welcome to the next Moonstone post as part of Alice's readalong. Heads up to those not playing along, there will be spoilers. However, please enjoy the GIFs!

Before I get to anything else I want to say this: Miss Clack wants in Mr. Godfrey's pants.
I wrote my last Moonstone post after finishing the assigned section, which seems like the logical way to do things. However SO MUCH HAPPENED that I ended up blathering on about the plot and missed out on lots of the amazing things that I had wanted to write about but forgot when the time came. So this week I've decided to write down a bunch of stuff as I'm reading it so hopefully I'll forget less of the stuff I want to say. Why yes, I could make sure to just focus on one part instead of trying to cram a bunch in here, and thus make a well thought out post. But I'm going to go with the random spewing of thoughts that will make for an incoherent mess. As I do

Rosanna died???
I thought the shivering sand was going to be our ominous Woman in White lake but nope, turns out to be an actual danger. OR IS IT? I mean, we're just assuming Rosanna is gone, based on those footprints Cuff found. And based on that suicide note she left about doing just that. But still, I want to see a body. I think it's very convenient that "What the Sand gets, the Sand keeps forever." And what did she chain down into the sand? The Moonstone seemed like a good guess to me but I guess not.

Rachel is still being Rachel-y and refusing to help or talk to anyone and is basically acting like a pain in the ass. Cuff tells Lady Verinder and Mr. Betteredge (who needs to be there so he can tell us what happens) that essentially Rachel's got some debts that she NEEDS to pay or there will be busted kneecaps (implied, or whatever the Victorian version of that is) and she actually has the diamond. Lady Verindar and Betteredge vehemently disagree. Now I do think/hope Rachel actually has more going on than what we're seeing so far. I still don't think she's our new Marian.

We leave Betteredge's narrative to head over to Miss Clack's and she is the most sanctimonious stick-up-her-ass brat so her narrative is equal parts painful and AMAZING. She's that awful person that talks about what a good Christian she is and how leaves people helpful literature (tracts) about how they're dressing like a (Victorian) slut titled "A Word With You On Your Cap-Ribbons" and is that a real tract? Can someone please find that and share because I want to read that.

Anyway, as I said the ever proper Miss Clack wants in Mr. Godfrey's pants. Trousers. He is everything perfect and he thrilled her when he would talk about "our prospects and trousers." Granted, the prospects and trousers in question were part of a clothing drive for the needy, but that does not change how much Miss Clack liked talking about trousers with Mr. Godfrey. But Mr. Godfrey loves Rachel, who is SO BENEATH him, Miss Clack can't even stand it.

We also learn Lady Verinder is very ill but she doesn't want to tell Rachel what's wrong. She does tell Miss Clack which was a major misstep on Lady Verinder's part, but it does give us a fantastic scene where Miss Clack leaves a bunch of religious books hidden around the house for Lady Verinder. And when they're returned because, you know, awful-person, she spends the time copying out passages from the books so she can leave letters around the house. Easier to hide I guess? Plus it gives Miss Clack the opportunity to sneak around the house and listen in on a conversation between Mr. Godfrey and Rachel. Of course this also gives her the opportunity to hear Godfrey propose to Rachel and have Rachel agree and oh the horror, the HORROR.

There's also stuff about the Moonstone but since I've already babbled enough, I'll let other people talk about everything else.

Title quote from page 83, location 2767

Collins, Wilkie. The Moonstone. Public domain books, published 2012. Originally published 1868

Whatever happens in a house, robbery or murder, it doesn't matter, you must have your breakfast

Post one of the actual Moonstone readalong. Or rather, first post once we have all read the first section and can really appreciate what Wilkie is doing. And it's so exciting. Heads up, this is going to contain all sorts of spoilers and probably non sequitors.

The story begins very Indian Jones-esque as we learn about the theft of a sacred Hindu (Hindooooo) stone called the Moonstone and you can practically hear someone yelling

or temple

But the Moonstone, a diamond the size of a bird's egg, does not stay in the temple. Instead it ends up in the hands of a Colonel Herncastle, who's sort of a douche. If you didn't get that from the whole "stealing sacred stone" thing. His family hates him and refuses to have anything to do with him. When he dies he leaves the stone to his niece Rachel. Is it a peace offering? Is it to pass the curse to the family that hates him? Who knows? I don't yet. But I'm so excited to find out!

As is Wilkie's style (which I can say after reading only 1 Collins book) the story is told as a set of narratives from different characters, writing out everything they can remember about the incident. Betteredge is the head servant (I guess, I don't understand servant hierarchy) and we get to hear his side of the story first. He meets up with Mr. Franklin Blake, Rachel's cousin (and suitor..eww) who is bringing the stone to the family. He was followed by a trio Indian jugglers and a little British boy that is able to see the future, so long as he has a special ink poured into his hand and the jugglers (actually Brahmin priests!) say the proper incantation and do you hear how amazing this is??

Mr. Franklin doesn't give Rachel the stone right away. It's supposed to be presented to her on her 18th birthday and Mr. Franklin knows all about the curse on the stone and about the jugglers that had shown up before he arrived. He and Betteredge decide that the thing to do is put the stone in the bank and see what happens. If nothing out of the ordinary occurs, it's probably safe to give it to Rachel. Apparently future seeing random Indian jugglers and their little British boy is old hat for this house. Rachel and Mr. Franklin spend a lot of time decorating a door, and please someone tell me if that is code for something else? Or implied something else? Were they really just painting a door for a month plus? Anyway, the only person acting strangely is one of the maids/servants Rosanna Spearman, but she always acts strangely (staring a quicksand that is apparently right near the Verinder homestead) so yeah, all normal here.

Rachel and Mr. Franklin finish painting the door just in time for Rachel's birthday and since the Indian guys haven't shown up again Mr. Franklin decides it's alright to give her the giant diamond. She gets it and wears it  and there's much oohing and ahhing. And then naturally the next morning the ring is GONE
After a misstep with a useless detective Sergeant Cuff is brought in and he is wonderful and very Sherlock Holmes-esque except he loves roses instead of opium. Or he loves both but so far he's only told us about the roses. I guess since Cuff came before Holmes, it's really the other way but saying Holmes is Sergeant Cuff-esque makes no sense.

I have spent so much time and I haven't even gone into some of the best things Betteredge says. I'm going to leave it to everyone else to go into that but instead I'll save a couple of my favorite quotes so far

"To make things worse, [Mr. Franklin] had promised to be tall, and had not kept his promise."

"I follow the plan adopted by the Queen in opening Parliament -- namely, the plan of saying much the same thing regularly every year."

"Betteredge, your edge is better than ever" This is actually from Mr. Franklin to Betteredge, and I'd like to think that line was one of the ones written while Wilkie was in his opium haze.

Title quote from page 39, location 1363

Collins, Wilkie. The Moonstone. Public domain books, published 2012. Kindle edition. Originally published 1868

The Moonstone: The Introduction!

Alice's Wilkie Collins The Moonstone readalong is upon us! Oh, the excitement!

For those of you new to my blog, welcome! I'm Red. Or Alley. Hello!

If you didn't take part in the last Collin's readalong when we all read The Woman in White, well you are in for a treat. I hope. I don't want to build this up too much but last time it was super fun and lots of gushing over the awesomeness of Marian, the boringness of Laura, the creepiness of Fosco. I hope for more of the same. But you know, with Moonstone characters, whomever they may be.

I've decided to go into this one like I did the last one, meaning I haven't bothered to look up a damn thing about this before I dive in. Last time it was because I didn't pay enough attention to the posting schedule. This time it's because I'm procrastinating. I did try to really study the Siege of Seringapatam, which Wikipedia does have a page on, so I don't have to make something up. However, military stuff makes my brain go "oh this is the time I can quit paying attention" so the details are mostly going in one ear and out the other. So here are the details that I can seem to grasp

-The "belligerents" are the British East India Company and the Sultanate of Mysore and I can't help but go "your sore what?" and giggle because I'm a small child.
-They call it the Anglo-Mysore War but I like it the other way cos then I can giggle some more. "Ow I've bruised my Anglo"
-The Moonstone begins with someone stealing jewels from "the legendary treasury of Tippu Sultan" who was "a short, fat officer" although later in that same section it says he was about 5'8 which doesn't seem that short. He also had delicate wrists and ankles.
-Wilkie Collins has a huge forehead. I know, not about the siege and I talked about it last time but seriously, look at that. Look. At. It.

I look forward to seeing everyone's thoughts and picking favorite characters and the gifs. I am excited for all the gifs.

My hands tingled to strike him, as if I had been a man!

We have come to the end of The Woman in White. Before we mourn the end of this amazing readalong, let's go over how Wilkie ended this journey.

Where we last left off, Percy had immolated himself, because he is not so bright*. This is what happens when Sir Percival quits listening to Fosco. In a way this was great for our trio because now Percy wasn't going to be a problem. The downside is it's going to be difficult to prove Laura being a live and her death being a ruse without one of the ruse perpetrators. This just means Walter needs to get Fosco to admit to the truth. And given how dismissive he was of Marian's warnings about the Count, this should be fine.

Walter gets back to London and it turns out Fosco knew where they were living because Walter sucks at not being followed. Marian is a ninja and should have been the one doing the sneaking around. Fosco pays Marian a little visit. He goes on about how much he admires Marian and pretty much he hasn't done anything to them because of that. Marian is telling Walter about how much this upset her but Walter is all "yeah yeah blah blah blah but what'd he say about meeee?" Methinks someone's jealous.

We also learn for certain that Anne, our woman in white, and Laura are actually half sisters, which you kind of assumed given how much the 2 women look alike. It wasn't the most exciting revelation but it was better than finding out Percy was everyone's dad and then also Laura's husband. So thank you Wilkie for staying away from incest.

Laura and Walter get married and it is uneventful.

Then we get to the important part of the story! Walter must now face the final boss, Fosco, and restore Laura's honor! Also convince everyone Laura's really alive and it was Anne that died. Walter has a plan to take down Fosco.

See Fosco is Italian. And Walter's buddy and our favorite minor character Professor Pesca is Italian. And all Italians know each other (obviously) so Pesca will know all sorts of secrets about Fosco. Walter and Pesca follow Fosco to the opera. Pesca doesn't recognize Fosco but when Fosco looks in their direction he freaks out and leaves the opera early. Walter is convinced Fosco is terrified of Pesca, even though Pesca has no clue who the guy is. There is a man hanging out near them with a big scar on his face. Then he runs out after Fosco while Pesca and Walter got stuck in the crowd. Then he seems to show up a few more times and Walter thinks "well isn't that coincidental!"

But before the man with the scar can keep showing up everywhere, we learn about Pesca's past. He's part of a secret Brotherhood back in Italy and has been stationed in England for years. They don't really explain what the Brotherhood does BUT if you cross them, they will cut you. Into pieces. Turns out Fosco is also part of this Brotherhood and he has crossed the organization. Walter decides to use this information to force a confession out of Fosco before he flees.

He writes a letter to Pesca as sort of an insurance plan should anything happen to him and he confronts the Count. Fosco is evil but also sort of a badass so he asks Walter if he wants to know what he's thinking, reaches for a gun and says: "I am thinking...whether I shall add to the disorder in this room by scattering your brains around the fireplace." Because he's actually an '80s action movie villain, full of quips. But Walter's letter to Pesca saves his ass and Fosco writes his confession.

You don't learn too much new during Fosco's confession except that Mrs. Ruebelle apparently didn't make Marian worse. Actually Fosco did everything he could to make Marian better because he admires her so much. We do learn that Anne dying so quickly was not part of the plan, since she died before Laura even left Blackwater. Which sort of throws off the whole Laura is Anne ploy so is just what Walter needs to hear.   Fosco manages to escape England, but he can't escape the man with the scar.

Fosco's confession is just what is needed to prove to everyone who Laura really is. Walter and Laura move to Limmeridge and eventually inherit Limmeridge for their son. Oh and Marian moves with them so the 3 of them can keep hanging out forever. Like Laura wanted when she asked Marian to never marry. The end.

I want to say a big thank you to Alice for hosting this readalong. This is the first one I've been able to do and it was super fun. This was a story I was a little meh on** but it was so much fun to read and write about it with a group of people. Especially a group that understand the importance of gifs.

ALSO this book counts towards Ben's Smooth Criminals reading challenge so even more win!

*Pun!
**Before I actually read it! Based on preconceived notions that weren't based on anything at all. Once I actually read the story I realized how wonderful it is.

Title quote from page 372/location 8425

Collins, Wilkie. The Woman in White. Amazon Books, 2006. Kindle edition. Originally published 1860

I think it was also perfectly natural that I should damn him for grinning

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED

First up, Mr Fairlie has a narrative and it is glorious. "It is the grand misfortune of my life that nobody will let me alone." That's how he opens his narrative! He is so put upon. Why can't everyone just leave him alone to treat his servants like furniture and damn them for grinning? Fanny, Laura's servant at Blackwater, comes with a message from Marian and Mr. Fairlie is so concerned her shoes will creak because there is a limit to his endurance. (Don't worry, her shoes do not creak. PHEW!)

What we learn from Mr. Fairlie is that he's as ridiculous and self-absorbed as ever and I'm so glad we got to listen to his ridiculousness. He is so annoyed that his brother "inconsiderately marries," dies, and has the nerve to leave his daughter to Mr. Fairlie. ALSO the Count showed up and managed to annoy him less than, well, everyone else on the planet. He also tells him he should let Laura hang out at Limmeridge but Marian is sick so don't wait up for her!

Oh yeah, Marian is seriously ill. All her ninja-ing in the rain before has caused problems. Oh noo. Now she's at the mercy of Fosco and Sir Percival AND Fosco found her diary so he knows what she knows and shit. They bring in a doctor (Mr Dawson) and the Countess gets a nurse (Mrs. Rubelle) but Marian is not getting better. Probably because she used up all her awesome powers in the last section. She's a mere mortal now. A mere mortal with typhus. Fosco and Mr Dawson do not get a long, which means you know Mr Dawson is clearly a good guy.

So while Marian is in bed trying not to die, there is no one to watch over the rest of the house to see what Fosco and Percy are up to and THEY ARE UP TO THINGS. Sir Percival fires just everyone at the house and says he's leaving. Then they do a bit of a bait and switch on poor Laura. They tell her Marian suddenly got better! but no one bothered to tell Laura but she actually decided to head out and is hanging out in London with Fosco and the Countess before continuing onto Limmeridge, and Laura should totally just go there too. She tries to make arrangements to stay with other people in London but that doesn't work and she ends up with Fosco and the Countess. But oh hey, guess what?? Marian is actually still at Blackwater in one of the rooms that Laura didn't check because Laura is not thorough.

Then Laura gets sick and weak in London and she tragically dies of some sort of heart failure. You know, like that heart problem Anne told Laura she had. The same Anne that looks just like Laura. I'm sure that's all just coincidental. Except obviously not. So when Walter is visiting "Laura's" grave a figure comes towards him and GASP, it's Laura.

When Marian got better she went back to being her velociraptor self and figured out the little switcheroo Fosco and co. did with Anne and Laura. She found Laura who had been in an asylum telling everyone she wasn't actually Anne Catherick, and obviously no one believed her. She breaks her out of the asylum because OF COURSE she does. When they meet up with Walter at the graveyard they all go into hiding in London. Marian keeps house, Walter makes money and Laura sits around. I know she was in the crazy house and the crazy houses then were not a fun place so she's been through some difficult times but Marian and especially Walter need to give her some credit because right now their arrangement reminds me of Lisa Simpsons meeting her rival's family. Especially when they tell Laura she can help earn her keep by selling her sketches except Walter's really buying them.

I have a ball. Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?

Marian and Walter are still trying to figure out how to punish Fosco and Sir Percival for what they've done but to do this they must learn Sir Percival's Secret. Walter talks to Gilmore's colleague who's taken over his work and Anne's mother to try to find the secret, but Sir Percival has people following him so it's not easy. He eventually does discover The Secret and it's.....sort of anti-climactic. Maybe not back then when it was monocle-popping shocking but learning that Sir Percival's parents weren't married is kind of eh. I know, it means he loses the Sir and people won't like him and all but still. I was expecting dead bodies in that lake. Anyway, Walter tries to get proof of this and almost does except Sir Percival sort of beats him to it! And sets the proof on fire! And also sets the vestry and himself on fire so things didn't really go as planned for Percy. So what now? Do we go after Fosco? Was that really Sir Percival in there and now a charred skeleton?

Look at everything that happened! I forgot so much of it until I started writing this thing, and then I ended up spending the whole post re-capping what happened. But seriously, there was so much. And there's still so much to happen. Plus I'm keeping my fingers crossed for bodies by the boathouse.

Title quote from page 231, location 5172

Collins, Wilkie. The Woman in White. Amazon Books, 2006. Kindle edition. Originally published 1860

Why he should have been so discomposed by a trifle I cannot say - but he was seriously discomposed

Before I get to anything about the next part of the book, look what I found!

By Adam Mazur

Every time I read anything about Miriam/Marian this is what I pictured. And it was wonderful. Clever girl, indeed.

Now, to The Woman in White. Gilmore's narrative comes first but isn't that interesting. The only things you learn are a) Laura is posed to get just a boatload of money b) Sir Percival Glyde has written an agreement that gives him all the money on Laura's death instead of Laura's family, which is typical and c) Mr. Fairlie is even more awful/amazingly narcissistic than I previously believed and let's Percy get away with his plan because eh, whatever; he'll prob die first anyway. Gilmore's narrative is short which is good because that means we get to Miriam the Velociraptor's section quicker! 

So much happens! Finally there's some action. Well pseudo action. And there's a new Italian guy who, granted, is no Professor Pesca, but he is still entertaining in a very ominous sort of way. Marian, Laura (now Lady Glyde, which sounds like a classy porn name), Sir Percival Glyde, and Count & Countess Fosco are all hanging out at Sir Percival's home and Percy is living up to Anne's warning letter of him. He's being a real asshole to Laura and Marian, although Fosco seems able to keep him under control. 

Fosco is an interesting character. On the surface he seems to be looking out for Marian and Laura. He comes to their rescue a couple times when Percy goes all nuts, he trains animals like mice and birds, he loves sweets. These don't usually make for an intimidating presence. But Marian doesn't trust him. And his wife, who used to be loud and obnoxious is very quiet and subservient now. How'd he do that?  He seems to be spying on Marian as she tries to discover what's going on with Sir Percival and the Woman in White, but at the same time he seems to have a plausible explanation for everything he does. Very creepy.

I am finally starting to get on Laura's side with this section and it was all based on the scene where Sir Percival tries to get her to sign something without letting her read what it is she's signing. And Laura stands up to him! Who saw that coming?? Marian has to convince her a couple times she's right to not sign something without knowing what it is but still, Laura stood up for herself. She's still boring but at least she's not weak anymore. She even throws the pen down when insulted. That is more action than I thought possible from her. Go Laura. 

But really, it's the end of this section that made me go I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT! Sir Percival definitely has a secret. He was trying to get to Laura's money (hence the document he wouldn't let her read) AND there's also a secret that he thinks Laura and Walter know about. The Woman in White knows his secret. I want to know! I was on the edge of my seat, literally gasping (and getting weird looks) while Miriam the Velociraptor sneaked onto the roof to eavesdrop on Sir Percival and Count Fosco's conversation. The tension! Will she get caught? Who knew she really was such a badass? Do you see why I can't help but picture her as a velociraptor. Although it just made me think "If she was a velociraptor, she would have bit his head off by now. It would have been shorter story sure BUT still awesome." And that post script at the end of her diary??? I wasn't sure if I was supposed to read that since I think it's past where we read (although Alice fixed that yesterday) but I couldn't help it and all I can say is dun Dun DUUUN!!!

I know I'm gushing but she's the best and here are some quotes to back that up

"I banged the door after me, and I hope I shattered Mr. Fairlie's nervous system for the rest of the day."

"Being, however, nothing but a woman, condemned to patience, propriety, and petticoats for life, I must respect the house-keeper's opinions, and try to compose myself in some feeble and feminine way."

"I remember the time, Countess, when you advocated the Rights of Women and freedom of female opinion was one of them."

One last quote that made me laugh when I read it:

"Even baldness, when it is only baldness over the forehead (as in his case), is rather becoming than not in a man, for it heightens the head and adds to the intelligence of the face"

Oh Collins, first you talk about how Marian's little forehead makes her so ugly and then you go into detail about how a big forehead makes a guy look smart. Your insecurities are showing sir.

Title quote from location 3230/page 146

Collins, Wilkie. The Woman in White. Amazon Books, 2006. Originally published 1860