2012 Challenges went exactly as expected

I am officially done with the 2012 challenges I signed up for last year. I don't mean "done" as in "successfully completed" but more "I have run out of time so whatever I have done is what's getting done. And it wasn't much". Woo hoo. At least I can say things went exactly as I expected. See if you assume you'll fail you either end up correct OR pleasantly surprised.
With that, let's see how I did.
Back to the Classics challenge
4/8
19th Century Classic
The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells
20th Century Classic
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
Re-read Classic of my choice
Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
A Classic Play
Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare
Classic Mystery/Horror/Sci-Fi
The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Classic translated from native language to mine
The Master and the Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
Classic Award Winner
The Hours by Michael Cunningham
Classic set in a country you will not visit in your lifetime
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

Smooth Criminals challenge
5/8
Hardboiled Classic
The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammet
Noir Classic
Double Indemnity by James M. Cain
Prison Book
The Green Mile by Stephen King
Book written by a writer that did time
The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde
Book with a psychopath as a protagonist
Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates
Gothic Novel
We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson
Classic where plot revolves around a crime
The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins
The "why the hell am I doing this to myself" book
The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen

So I did slightly better with the Smooth Criminals challenge but that was actually dumb luck since I read The Woman in White for a readalong, and I didn't realize Zombie would count towards this challenge till I had already finished it. Either way, good showing, me.
I'm not going to be signing up for any challenges in 2013. This showing here was too pathetic. Besides, I'm going to be doing the Harry Potter readalong which is enough reading commitment for me, kthxbai. For those of you that sign up for (and actually complete) these challenges, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

A true ZOMBIE would be mine forever

You know those books that you wish you didn't read? Not because it was a bad book or you felt like you wasted your time, but you wish you didn't have those images in your head? Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates is one of those books. It's well-written, it's a griping story, and it made me uncomfortable.

I decided to read Zombie because it was on sale on the Kindle and it's a JCO book. I've been wanting to read something of hers and didn't know where to start. Something on sale seemed like a good choice.

I knew going into this it wasn't going to be a zombie story. I mean, I know it's titled Zombie but it's not that kind of zombie. Instead of the walking dead coming back and feeding on the living as they try to survive and make sense of this new world, it's about a guy that is trying to make sex zombies a la Jeffrey Dahmer. So, you know, way worse.

It's not the "create a sex zombie via transorbital lobotomy done with rusty tools" that made me not like this book. OK, well not the only thing. Quentin is the protagonist and it's a first person story. Which means you spend the whole book hanging out in the mind of this deranged serial killer. I do not like hanging out in Quentin's mind. I don't want to know what he's thinking, I don't want to follow him around as he plans and justifies his murders. There was never a moment I felt sympathy for Quentin. I mostly kept hoping he'd set on fire. Not that it would have made sense for the plot but still.

It takes a little while to get used to the writing style. Quentin switches back and forth between referring to himself in the first person, or referring to himself as Q__ P__. He refers to his victims by nicknames like RAISINEYES and SQUIRREL. He has no empathy whatsoever. He manipulates his family that is truly too good for him. It wouldn't have been surprising if the story focused on why Quentin did the things he does, maybe how his family messed him up. But no, you don't get that. There's no explanation for why he does the things he does. Which is both what elevates the story and makes it so hard to read. Awful things happen to innocent people and it's not fair.

One of the ways I decide that I really like a book is if I want to read it again. I do not want to read this one again. I don't (entirely) regret reading this, but it is not one I can see myself revisiting. I spent some time in this lunatic's head and I'm good now. All set. Zombie can join American Psycho in books that are well-written and I'm happy to never pick up again. Amazon also groups these two together in the Frequently Bought Together section.

The plus side, this counts towards the Smooth Criminals challenge! Now I'm in no way going to finish the this challenge, but I'll keep trying till the end of the year. And by trying I mean unintentionally reading a book that fits the criteria for one of the categories. In this case "Book with a psychopath protagonist".

Title quote from page 49, location 493

Oates, Joyce Carol. Zombie. Harper Collins, 2009. Originally published 1995

If you lose a son it's possible to get another--and there's only one Maltese falcon

Even without being super familiar with the movie (I've seen it once or twice and remember pieces of it, but not the majority) the movie can't help but overshadow the book. It's so iconic that even without remembering the specifics of the movie, you know the feel, you know the scenes, you know the tone. It sort of made reading the book an uphill battle.

Think about every stereotype you know about the hard-boiled private investigator. The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett is where those came from. I kept having to remind myself that this book isn't cliched. The book made the cliches.

Sam Spade is a private detective and one day a woman comes in with a story about a missing sister. Then there are lies and more lies and a missing statue that is apparently worth a lot of money. You never know who's lying, what angle anyone is playing, or what's so great about this statue.

Rather than do a real review, here are random thoughts:

You keep trying to tell me Sam Spade is blond and I giggle every time because no, no he isn't. How silly Mr.   Hammett for you to get that wrong about your own character.

Sam Spade doesn't just kiss a dame. He does it "on the mouth". Which I suppose is an accurate description of a normal kiss, except I kept picturing him giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Or that Coneheads kiss. So you know, not sexy. But every time "He kissed her on the mouth".

The female characters are pretty one-note. But then again all the characters are, so it's hard to get mad at Hammett for this.

Speaking of, Sam Spade doesn't have a lot of emotion. Like at all. I'm not saying I expect a PI to be super touchy-feely, but I expect something beyond "Oh that guy died. Meh, whatchya gonna do." And that's pretty much his tone for the entire book.

Also, hey look! I finished another challenge book! I am in no way going to actually complete these 2 challenges, but I'm still trying.

Title quote on page 190

Hammett, Dashiell. The Maltese Falcon. Orion paperback, 2005. Originally published 1929

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last

Oscar Wilde, you are all the snark and all the cynicism. I wish we could hang out and I'd listen to you make bitchy comments about, just, everyone. But instead, I will have to enjoy your work. And enjoy I did.

I've only read one Wilde book before this, The Picture of Dorian Gray. Lord Henry Wotton was my favorite character. My friend argued that Lord Henry was actually an incarnation of the devil. Maybe. But he's just so much fun. Anyway, I point him out because The Importance of Being Earnest is like an entire cast of Lord Henrys. At least what I remember of Lord Henry. What I'm saying is I LOVED this play.

The full title is The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious People. John Worthington (Jack) lives out in the country but tells his ward and servants and everyone else he lives with that he often has to come into the city to visit his troubled younger brother Ernest. His friends in the city all know him as Ernest. His friend Algernon Moncrieff finds out about his little ruse and is delighted to hear his buddy is a "Bunburyist" as well! Algernon gets out of hanging out with his Aunt and cousin by pretending to visit a sick friend of his named Bunbury. Jack refuses to tell Algernon where his country home is or about his life there in the slightest. Given Algernon's personality, it sort of makes sense to keep his country life private. But Algernon may soon be family, since Jack wants to marry his cousin Gwendolen. Except Gwendolen only wants to marry an Ernest (which she thinks Jack is) and hates the idea of marrying someone with any other name. Seriously? Any name other than Ernest? Dealbreaker!

One day Algernon finds out where Jack's country home is and goes there introducing himself to everyone as Jack's troubled brother Ernest, who has mended his ways. Of course he's welcomed in the home. He is family after all. He is especially welcomed by Jack's ward Cecily. Cecily and "Ernest" (Algernon) fall in love instantly and they get engaged. Cecily also has the condition that her husband be named Ernest and couldn't imagine marrying someone with a different name. Especially Algernon. Gwendolen comes out to the country to visit "Ernest" (Jack) and then there is much confusion about who is engaged to Ernest and hilarity ensues. There's also a whole sub-plot about Jack being adopted after being abandoned in a suitcase at the train station.

The basic plot is very Shakespearean-esque, what with all the mistaken identity stuff. Except it's far less complicated and far-fetched than the plot of, say A Comedy of Errors (see there are these 2 sets of identical twins that were separated when they were young and both sets find themselves in the same town...) It works better because it is simpler. It's also much shorter. My Kindle edition says it's 58 pages. This is a quick read and indeed I finished it part way into one of the legs back from Seattle to NY. And during my reading I kept elbowing Boyfriend+ saying "Now read this line! Oh you have to read this part." I'm a joy to travel with, is what I'm saying. Here are some of the quotes I highlighted. Though I sorta highlighted the entire thing

Algernon: If it wasn't for Bunbury's extraordinary bad health, for instance, I wouldn't be able to dine with you at Willis's to-night...
Jack: I haven't asked you to dine with me anywhere to-night.
Algernon: I know. You are absurdly careless about sending out invitations.

Lady Bracknell (Algernon's Aunt): Well, I must say, Algernon, that I think it is high time that Mr. Bunbury made up his mind whether he was going to live or to die. This shilly-shallying with the question is absurd.

Gwendolen: I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

I could go on and on with quotes because I love them all, but I'll stop now. The one criticism I have is every character sounds the same. Every character has the same tone, same sense of humor, same snark, same cynicism. Which I LOVE but it doesn't exactly make for the most compelling set of personalities. However it's short enough, and the lines are so good that I didn't mind so much.

And this is another challenge book down! This was my Smooth Criminals selection for "Book written by a writer who did time". This may be sort of a cop-out for this choice, given Wilde did time after the play was already on the stage but the category wasn't too specific and this still works.

Title quote from page 55, location 873

Wilde, Oscar. The Importance of Being Earnest. Kindle edition. Originally published 1895

My hands tingled to strike him, as if I had been a man!

We have come to the end of The Woman in White. Before we mourn the end of this amazing readalong, let's go over how Wilkie ended this journey.

Where we last left off, Percy had immolated himself, because he is not so bright*. This is what happens when Sir Percival quits listening to Fosco. In a way this was great for our trio because now Percy wasn't going to be a problem. The downside is it's going to be difficult to prove Laura being a live and her death being a ruse without one of the ruse perpetrators. This just means Walter needs to get Fosco to admit to the truth. And given how dismissive he was of Marian's warnings about the Count, this should be fine.

Walter gets back to London and it turns out Fosco knew where they were living because Walter sucks at not being followed. Marian is a ninja and should have been the one doing the sneaking around. Fosco pays Marian a little visit. He goes on about how much he admires Marian and pretty much he hasn't done anything to them because of that. Marian is telling Walter about how much this upset her but Walter is all "yeah yeah blah blah blah but what'd he say about meeee?" Methinks someone's jealous.

We also learn for certain that Anne, our woman in white, and Laura are actually half sisters, which you kind of assumed given how much the 2 women look alike. It wasn't the most exciting revelation but it was better than finding out Percy was everyone's dad and then also Laura's husband. So thank you Wilkie for staying away from incest.

Laura and Walter get married and it is uneventful.

Then we get to the important part of the story! Walter must now face the final boss, Fosco, and restore Laura's honor! Also convince everyone Laura's really alive and it was Anne that died. Walter has a plan to take down Fosco.

See Fosco is Italian. And Walter's buddy and our favorite minor character Professor Pesca is Italian. And all Italians know each other (obviously) so Pesca will know all sorts of secrets about Fosco. Walter and Pesca follow Fosco to the opera. Pesca doesn't recognize Fosco but when Fosco looks in their direction he freaks out and leaves the opera early. Walter is convinced Fosco is terrified of Pesca, even though Pesca has no clue who the guy is. There is a man hanging out near them with a big scar on his face. Then he runs out after Fosco while Pesca and Walter got stuck in the crowd. Then he seems to show up a few more times and Walter thinks "well isn't that coincidental!"

But before the man with the scar can keep showing up everywhere, we learn about Pesca's past. He's part of a secret Brotherhood back in Italy and has been stationed in England for years. They don't really explain what the Brotherhood does BUT if you cross them, they will cut you. Into pieces. Turns out Fosco is also part of this Brotherhood and he has crossed the organization. Walter decides to use this information to force a confession out of Fosco before he flees.

He writes a letter to Pesca as sort of an insurance plan should anything happen to him and he confronts the Count. Fosco is evil but also sort of a badass so he asks Walter if he wants to know what he's thinking, reaches for a gun and says: "I am thinking...whether I shall add to the disorder in this room by scattering your brains around the fireplace." Because he's actually an '80s action movie villain, full of quips. But Walter's letter to Pesca saves his ass and Fosco writes his confession.

You don't learn too much new during Fosco's confession except that Mrs. Ruebelle apparently didn't make Marian worse. Actually Fosco did everything he could to make Marian better because he admires her so much. We do learn that Anne dying so quickly was not part of the plan, since she died before Laura even left Blackwater. Which sort of throws off the whole Laura is Anne ploy so is just what Walter needs to hear.   Fosco manages to escape England, but he can't escape the man with the scar.

Fosco's confession is just what is needed to prove to everyone who Laura really is. Walter and Laura move to Limmeridge and eventually inherit Limmeridge for their son. Oh and Marian moves with them so the 3 of them can keep hanging out forever. Like Laura wanted when she asked Marian to never marry. The end.

I want to say a big thank you to Alice for hosting this readalong. This is the first one I've been able to do and it was super fun. This was a story I was a little meh on** but it was so much fun to read and write about it with a group of people. Especially a group that understand the importance of gifs.

ALSO this book counts towards Ben's Smooth Criminals reading challenge so even more win!

*Pun!
**Before I actually read it! Based on preconceived notions that weren't based on anything at all. Once I actually read the story I realized how wonderful it is.

Title quote from page 372/location 8425

Collins, Wilkie. The Woman in White. Amazon Books, 2006. Kindle edition. Originally published 1860

We each owe a death, there are no exceptions, I know that, but sometimes, oh God, the Green Mile is so long

Stephen King. Whether you love the guy or hate him, you can't deny that the guy can tell a story. I decided to re-read The Green Mile for Ben's Smooth Criminals Reading Challenge for the Prison Book category. I'm so glad I did. I know I should be branching out, reading new things, blah blah blah but no regrets with this one. I originally read this sometime after the movie came out but most of the details I remembered were from the movie.

This isn't a horror story. For those of you that stay away from King because you're afraid, this isn't a horror story. It's not a happy, rainbows and kittens. I mean, the story takes place on death row during the Depression. But there aren't demonic hotels or zombie cats or anything like that. It's the story of Paul Edgecombe, a prison guard at Cold Mountain penitentiary and John Coffey, a giant black man convicted for a brutal crime and sentenced to die. But there's something about Coffey. He doesn't seem like a killer. His first night on the E Block he asks if they leave a light on at night because he's afraid of the dark.

King sucks you into this world he's created. I didn't read this as it first came out, so I didn't read it in its serialized version. I wish I did. It would have been amazing to have the story drawn out like that, waiting to see what was going to happen in the next installment. My copy has all of the books smooshed into one, but you still have the separations for each of the books, so you can see where it would have ended. I could imagine how it would have been to have the story end and have to wait for the next part. It's not like waiting for the next book in a series, because here the story isn't done yet. You don't have the story wrap-up that you get with something like the Harry Potter books.

The story is heart breaking but it never feels manipulative. You feel these characters trapped in the situation and you get angry because it's so unfair. But it's supposed to be unfair. The Jesus references are a little heavy handed. OK, they're a lot heavy handed, but I don't remember them being so obvious. Maybe because the first time I was so enthralled with the story. This time I could take in the scenery a little bit more. But still, it wasn't enough to hurt the story. Which was wonderful and this will definitely be a book I read again.

So even if you don't like horror or aren't a King fan, give this book a try. It's worth it.

Two challenge books in a row completed! What's that? Why thank you, I am on a roll.

Title quote from page 536.

King, Stephen. The Green Mile. Pocket Books, 1996.

Smooth Criminals reading selection

It has taken me forever to pick out some books and sign up for Ben's Smooth Criminal reading challenge because a) challenges are scary and I already signed up for one and b) I was waiting for other people to pick out their books for this challenge so I could mooch off of their choices.

This is my tentative list, subject to change as my whims demand.

Hardboiled Classic
The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammet

Noir Classic
Double Indemnity by James M. Cain

Prison Book
The Green Mile by Stephen King

Book written by a writer who did time
The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

Book with psychopath as protagonist
The Collector by John Fowles

Gothic novel
We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

Classic where plot revolves around a crime
I'm still working on this one...

The "why the hell am I doing this to myself" book
This is the only book for this challenge I knew right away: Franzen's The Corrections. It intimidates me and has been sitting on my shelf for over a year now, mocking me. I will win.