Cribsheet: If you're happy with your choices, that's the path to happier and more relaxed parenting

Look and actual, for realsies review. I told you I'd manage to get one of these done at some point. I was about to start another round of mini-reviews but realized I wasn't in the mood and decided to scan through the books I read last year to see if there was any I wanted to write about. And I realized I'm in the middle of re-reading Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool by Emily Oster and never wrote about it the first time so why not tackle it now. It's more top of mind so maybe I can actually write about this better than "Uhh I think I liked this but IDK why".

Emily Oster's book Expecting Better: Why the Conventional Pregnancy Wisdom is Wrong - and What You Really Need to Know is the only pregnancy book I read. This is hardly because I am an expert in pregnancy but I really was not looking for a preachy book. I was happy enough to not read any pregnancy books (and lucky enough to have my mom who is an OBGYN nurse around to answer questions) when the book Expecting Better was recommended to me by a trusted source. And it was great because it is not about telling you any dos or don'ts of pregnancy. Oster, an economist, is all about data and using the data to make informed choices, stressing that what is important for you as an individual or you as a family is a big part of the decision making process and that two people can have the same data but come to different conclusions and that's OK. That's no shaming, no finger wagging, no guilting. After I finished this book I searched for one from her on parenting but, alas, it was not to be.

At least not then. Fast forward a year and some, Matthew is here and we're up in Boston visiting some friends who recently had their own lil newborn. We're sitting around talking, the topic of books comes up (as it does) and my friend shows me this book Cribsheet by none other than Emily Oster. She has nothing but good things to say about it (of course) and even though it's brand new and thus only out in hardback, I pick up my own copy the next day at one of my fav indie bookstores (Brookline Booksmith, check them out, they're swell).

Just like with her pregnancy book, Oster's goal is to help answer the many questions that come up after the baby is here (daycare vs nanny vs staying at home, swaddling, breastfeeding) using data and stressing the importance of what is right for you and your family. Everyone should be informed about the benefits, the dangers, the drawbacks and determine, using the data, what the right choice is, knowing that people's choices can be different. She wants to step away from telling anyone what to do and repeatedly mentions how we need to not judge people who are making informed decisions (informed is the key, and it has to be real, reliable, credible information) that are best for them. As she says

This idea - that what parents need or want will play a role in choices - can be hard to admit. In a sense, I think this is at the core of a lot of the "Mommy War" conflicts.
We all want to be good parents. We want our choices to be the right ones. So after we make the choices, there is a temptation to decide they are the perfect ones. Psychology has a name for this: avoiding cognitive dissonance...This is a deeply human temptation, but it is also really counterproductive. Your choices can be right for you but also not necessarily the best choices for other people. Why? You are not other people. Your circumstances differ. Your preferences differ. In the language of economics, your constraints differ.

As an economist, who reads and interprets studies for a living, she reads through studies about all of the topics she tackles, identifies which she feels are the best/most complete while explaining why she has come to this conclusion, she shares factors that could influence an individual, she shares what she did with her two children as well as what other women she knows have done that differs. The goal is not to tell you what the best choice is, but to make sure you're informed to make the right choice for you.

And I get this may not be the parenting book for everyone (cos hey, those individual choices and preferences and whatnot). It's great for me but like her, I also kept a detailed spreadsheet of every time Matthew ate and slept, at least until he went to daycare and I went back to work, because I love me some data. The book gives me good ways to think about how to make the choices (and OMG there are so many) that come up, big and small.

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Oster, Emily. Cribsheet: A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting from Birth to Preschool. Penguin Press, 2019.