1. I will not survive a zombie apocalypse.
I have no chance. I mentioned in my first WWZ post that my zombie contingency plan mostly resembles the second option on the What's Your Zombie Contingency Plan page (The "I Will Miss You Dearly" stratagem). But let's assume for a second I'm not quite that helpless, then my second plan probably follows the first option the "I Had A Good Plan But Then I Tripped," especially the tripping part. Here's the "con" to this plan, which is the part I would probably follow most closely: "I once ran face-first into a sliding glass door. I am not competent enough to do any of this [plan]. I would probably trip over my own feet and stumble slap-stick style into an undead group hug." My mom sometimes says I'm about as graceful as a cow on ice (which is what her dad used to tell her cos walking into walls is a family tradition) and after reading World War Z and seeing how many intelligent, prepared, non-clumsy people couldn't make it out, I know I would stand no chance.
2. Before inevitably being eaten by the zombies, I will probably take down a lot of innocent, non-zombified people.
If you were to watch The Walking Dead with me, something I wouldn't recommend unless you've already seen the episode, you'll notice I yell at the screen. A lot. And most often what I yell is "Ah, it's moving! Shoot it! Shoot it!"* Please notice I didn't say "a zombie is moving" just "it" and this is because I am not distinguishing between an actual threat and a healthy person who just happens to be moving. Anytime anything around me moves, I would shoot at it. This means not only am I probably hitting innocent people, I'm also wasting ammo. If I don't get eaten by zombies I should probably be put down by whoever I'm with to keep from making the situation worse. Or be left for zombie bait.
I've heard it said that the Holocaust has no survivors, that even those who managed to remain technically alive were so irreparably damaged, that their spirit, their soul, the person that they were supposed to be, was gone forever. I'd like to think that's not true. But if it is, then no on on Earth survived this war. (340)But, while things seem hopeless, there is a small sliver of hope. Humanity did survive and the all out fighting did end. Things haven't been easy and won't be easy but there is a chance.
For those that haven't heard, there is a strong possibility of a World War Z movie with Brad Pitt confirmed to play the lead. I know, it's exciting. I know I say "possibility" and "confirmed" but even though he's confirmed I'm going to go ahead and say until ads start running, there is the possibility the movie won't get made. I'd rather be pleasantly surprised over let down.
*I had the same reaction to every alien in District 9. I know you're supposed to learn that people are the ugly ones and the aliens don't mean any harm but no amount of Disney eyes on the little one or red vests on the adult made me like them. I'm sorry. I'm a bad person.
Title quote from page 266
Brooks, Max. World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War. Three Rivers Press, New York. 2006.